Messing About in Quotes

Messing About in

Quotes

A Little Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations

Edited by

Gyles Brandreth

Great Clarendon Street, Oxford, OX2 6DP, United Kingdom

Oxford University Press is a department of the University of Oxford.

It furthers the University’s objective of excellence in research, scholarship, and education by publishing worldwide. Oxford is a registered trade mark of Oxford University Press in the UK and in certain other countries

© Oxford University Press 2018

The moral rights of the author have been asserted

First edition 2018

Impression: 1

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of Oxford University Press, or as expressly permitted by law, by licence or under terms agreed with the appropriate reprographics rights organization. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside the scope of the above should be sent to the Rights Department, Oxford University Press, at the address above

You must not circulate this work in any other form and you must impose this same condition on any acquirer

Published in the United States of America by Oxford University Press

198 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016, United States of America

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

Data available

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018943464

ISBN 978–0–19–881318–7

ebook ISBN 978–0–19–257488–6

Printed in Italy by L.E.G.O. S.p.A.

Links to third party websites are provided by Oxford in good faith and for information only. Oxford disclaims any responsibility for the materials contained in any third party website referenced in this work.

List of Subjects

Academic Life

Acting

Actors

Advertising

Advice

Ageing

Ambition

America

Anger and Argument

Animals and Birds

Apology and Excuses

Appearance

Architecture

Argument see Anger and Argument

The Aristocracy

The Armed Forces

Art

Audiences

Australia

Autobiography

Awards and Honours

Baseball

Beauty

Betting and Gambling

The Bible

Biography

Birds see Animals and Birds

Birth and Pregnancy

The Body

Books

Bores

Boxing

The British

Bureaucracy

Business

Canada

Catchphrases see Comedy Routines and Catchphrases

Cats and Dogs

Censorship

Certainty and Doubt

Challenges see Life and its Challenges

Champagne

Character

Children

Choice

Christmas

The Cinema

Cities see Towns and Cities

Class

The Clergy

Colours

Comebacks

Comedy Routines and Catchphrases

Computers and the Internet

Conversation

Cookery

Countries and Peoples

The Country see Nature and the Country

Cricket

Crime and Punishment

Critics and Criticism

Dance

Dating

Death

Debt

Definitions

Democracy

Depression

Description

Despair see Hope and Despair

Diaries

Dictionaries

Diets

Diplomacy

Discontent see Satisfaction and Discontent

Divorce

Dogs see Cats and Dogs

Doubt see Certainty and Doubt

Dreams see Sleep and Dreams

Dress

Drink

Driving

Drugs

Drunkenness and Hangovers

Eating

Economics

Education

Enemies

England

Epitaphs

Examinations

Excuses see Apology and Excuses

Exercise

Faces

Failure

Fame

The Family

Family Life

Fashion

Feminism

Film Producers and Directors

Film Stars

Fishing

Flattery see Praise and Flattery

Flying

Food

Foolishness

Football

France

Friends

Funerals

The Future see Past, Present, and Future

Gambling see Betting and Gambling

Games see Sports and Games

Gardens

The Generation Gap

Gifts

God

Golf

Gossip

Government

Hair

Handwriting

Hangovers see Drunkenness and Hangovers

Happiness

Headlines

Health see Sickness and Health

Heroes

History

Holidays

Hollywood

Honours see Awards and Honours

Hope and Despair

Hospitality see Parties and Hospitality

Housework

The Human Race

Humour

Husbands

Hypocrisy

Ideas

Idleness

Ignorance

Insults

Intelligence and Intellectuals

The Internet see Computers and the Internet

Ireland and the Irish

Jewellery

Journalism

Judges

Kissing

Language

Languages

Last Words

The Law

Lawyers

Letters

Libraries

Lies

Life and its Challenges

Lifestyle

Literature

Love

Management

Manners

Marriage

Medicine

Memory

Men

Men and Women

Mental Health

Middle Age

The Mind

Mistakes and Misfortunes

Modern Life

Money

Morality

Mothers

Movies see The Cinema

Murder

Music

Musicians

Names

Nature and the Country

Newspapers

Office Life

Old Age

Opera

Optimism and Pessimism

The Paranormal

Parents

Parliament

Parties and Hospitality

Past, Present, and Future

People and Personalities

Peoples see Countries and Peoples

Personalities see People and Personalities

Pessimism see Optimism and Pessimism

Philosophy

Poetry

Poets