Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine. Vol. 50, No. 1 & 2, January/February 2005

Pi Alpha Kappa — Hell Week, 2004

Monday — Friday

•You must wear your pledge scarf around your neck every day, all day!

•You may not wash your hair — all week!

•You must collect 200 blue M&M’s — that’s right, 200! We’ll count!

Saturday

•Join us at Elaine’s Salon at 2:00 for a hairstyling and manicure — our treat!

•Have dinner with us at Sushi Gardens at 6:00 — our treat!

•Go on our Super Pi Alpha Scavenger Hunt!

•When you’ve found your Scavenger Hunt treasure, bring it and all your M&M’s to the Pi Alpha House for snacks, secrets, and fun!

“And these are their only Hell Week activities?” I said. “They wouldn’t sneak something in on the sly, like a blindfolded trust walk across the stepping-stones?”

He shook his head. “They wouldn’t dare. Any fraternity or sorority engaging in unauthorized activities loses party privileges for a full year. I’ve made that my policy, and I’ve stood by it. Thank God, I haven’t actually had to enforce it.”

That sounded good. I turned to Bolt. “Some challenges,” I said, thinking of the tough times the dean had been through with these fraternities and sororities.

Bolt nodded briskly. “Excellent reminder, sir. Dean Collard, you said Miss Warren faced ‘some challenges’ but handled them well. Would you elaborate?”

Damn. I’d forgotten the dean said that. Evidently, he’d forgotten, too. “It’s nothing, Officer,” he said, blushing, bringing his pasty complexion to near pink. “Maggie just had trouble keeping up with tuition payments.”

“She’s from a poor family?” I asked.

“No.” He shook his head in a decisive snap. “Both her parents are employed — her father’s a teacher, her mother’s a nurse — and they own a three-bedroom house and two cars. True, Maggie has three siblings, but according to our financial aid formula, the parents’ income is sufficient for that. And Maggie waitressed for two years before college.” He tapped more computer keys. “My records show she applied for a work-study job this September, but we had to say no. Those jobs are reserved for students with financial need, and she showed no such need. Her own savings are gone, of course, but her parents may have something stashed away, and they could always sell their second car, or take out a second mortgage, or find second jobs.”

I won’t describe the exact circumstances, Mother, but just recently, Ellen had snuggled up and said maybe Kevin would like a sibling. Now, I was extra glad I’d pretended to be asleep. “So you didn’t offer Maggie any help?” I asked.

“Of course I did,” he said indignantly. “I gave her a list of fast-food restaurants seeking employees. Soon after that, I heard she’d pledged Pi Alpha Kappa. I was delighted. The Pi Alpha girls are exceptional, all honors students, and they give more to charity than any other group on campus. And they never get into trouble — no loud parties, no alcohol-related incidents.”

Well, those girls did sound awfully nice — unless they’d blindfolded Maggie, bullied her onto the stepping-stones, and run off in a panic when she fell. When we left, the dean was doing some deep-breathing exercises, summoning up courage to call Maggie’s family.

As we walked across campus, my stomach started to rumble. No wonder — three o’clock, and I hadn’t had lunch. We could grab something at a restaurant, but it seemed silly to bother with lunch so close to dinnertime. Besides, Ellen and I had spent a grim hour going over bills this weekend, and we’d agreed I’d brown-bag it for the rest of the month.

“Doesn’t really make sense,” I remarked to Bolt, figuring he too was thinking about lunch by now. “It’s awful late, and those expenses add up.”

His head jerked back, and that familiar now-I-see-it look popped into his eyes. “You’re right, sir!” he said. “Sophomore year is awfully late to pledge a sorority — most students join as freshmen. And dues, extra charges for living in a sorority house — those expenses do add up. It doesn’t make sense for a girl so concerned about finances to suddenly decide to pledge. Thank you for articulating that so clearly.”