Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 36, No. 6, June 1991

Then I thought of all the years I had felt so smug, looking down on women who worked, telling myself my real job was taking care of Emily and Tom. For intellectual fulfillment, I had my poetry, didn’t I? Even though my income from it didn’t cover my postage.

I pulled my hand from the phone. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the bones weren’t Lainie’s’ Maybe she was heading a Fortune 500 company in New York City right this moment. And maybe... maybe someday the skeleton in the swamp would be... me.

The deputy asked my name. I hung up. Brad might guess I turned him in, but he couldn’t prove it. The children wouldn’t believe it of me. No one else would. Except, perhaps, Helen.

Honey barked at a car stopping at the top of our driveway. As if it were any normal day, I hooked Honey’s leash on her collar and walked her to the mailbox. The editor of Nature’s Rhythms had written, asking for a poem on wildflowers.

I threw the letter in the trash.

9 from 12 Leaves 3

by Steve O’Connell

“The conclusion is inescapable,” Albert Florian said. “Someone in this club has been murdering its members.”

Which one of you two — besides me — has been murdering members of this club? I wondered fretfully.

“When we organized in 1946, there were a round dozen of us,” Florian said. “For thirteen years we met annually on the twentieth day of October. But now we discover that within the space of one year nine of our members have met with fatal accidents.” He regarded Gerald Evans and me rather severely. “I believe we all agree that this looks a bit suspicious.”

Evans and I nodded.

We three were in one of the private dining rooms at Blutow’s on Sixth Street for our annual meeting. This year one of the restaurant’s smallest rooms proved adequate.

Florian ticked off the fatalities. “Carson, Abernathy, and Terwilliger met with automobile accidents.”

I had arranged two of those. Carson and Abernathy both had homes at the tops of hills with delightfully suitable winding and precipitous roads leading to their bases. A simple adjustment in the steering apparatus of their respective automobiles and they descended neatly and quickly from garage to eternity.

But who had disposed of Terwilliger? It was a puzzler indeed.

“Phelps fell or jumped from the roof of a ten story building.”

Do you realize how few — if any — windows of modem air-conditioned buildings are actually meant to be opened? I had to carry Phelps all the way to the roof before I could dispose of him. I suffered an excruciating backache for weeks.

“Schaller was electrocuted when his radio fell into his bathtub.”

Now that could have been an accident. However, I know that Schaller had no use for tubs. He was a shower man.

“Wentworth accidentally shot himself while cleaning his gun.” Florian shook his head slowly. “But we all know that he was deathly afraid of firearms and would never allow any of them in his home.”

My plans had called for him to fall off a cliff near his house. Really a beautiful view.

“Llewellyn walked into a train.”

Not my work.

“Naison was struck on the top of the head by a rivet as he took his constitutional past an apartment building under construction.” Florian showed teeth. “It was dusk and no work was at the moment in progress, but nevertheless the only conclusion the police could come to was that it was an accident.”

I wondered how that had been done. Did the murderer lurk high in the scaffolding, rivet poised between thumb and forefinger, waiting for the appropriate moment?

“And Dodsworth fell off the dock at his summer cottage and drowned.”

A direct crib from my plans, I thought indignantly. I too knew that Dodsworth couldn’t swim.

Florian pointed to the unopened magnum in a place of honor in the center of the table. “Now obviously our club members were not eliminated in order to gain possession of that bottle.”

Obviously not.

In 1946, all twelve of us were junior officers on the cruiser Spokane — united by our reserve status among the trade school boys and the prospect of impending discharge from active service.

It followed that we should gather together for a misty party of farewell before we scattered to various parts of the States. As the evening became wetter, our regrets at the possibility of our never seeing each other again became unendurable and the inevitable annual reunion was suggested.

The bourbon was excellent and the suggestion blossomed until we found ourselves in the throes of a Last Man Club.

The terms were the usual. The last survivor of our group would have the honor of drinking our duly dedicated bottle of champagne in lonely grandeur. Providing, of course, that his stomach had not so aged that the feat was impossible. And we chose a centrally located city as our meeting ground.

If we had left it at that, presumably most, if not all of us, would have been alive to attend our fourteenth meeting.