Английский разговорный язык. Практическое пособие по развитию устной речи

More Stories about Applicants

1

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, «Have you ever been arrested?» he answered, «No.»

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was «Why?» The applicant answered it anyway: «Never got caught.»

2

In a job interview for policemen the applicants were shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer said, «The job that you\'re applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man.»

The first applicant entered and said, «This man has just one ear.»

«Get out!!» screamed the interviewer.

The second applicant entered and said, «This man has one ear.»

«Get out!!» screamed the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant got up to go in for his interview.

The first two guys were out there and they told him, «The guy that\'s giving the interview doesn\'t like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear.»

«Thanks for the tip,» said the third applicant.

So the third applicant entered, stared at the picture for a while, and finally said, «This man wears contact lenses.»

The interviewer was impressed. «Excellent observation,» he said. «Tell me, how could you tell?»

And the guy said, «Well, as this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?»

3

A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.

As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: «You\'re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office.»

4

A man applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he\'d get the job.

Two hours later, the applicant came back with the entire amount.

«Amazing!» the manager said. «How did you do it?»

«Easy,» the applicant replied. «I told him if he didn\'t pay up, I\'d tell all his other creditors he paid us.»

5

"Where did you receive your

training?"

«Yale.»

«Good, and what\'s your name?»

«Yim Yohnson.»

6

When you hire people that are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.

Слова и выражения:

affirmative – утвердительный

amazing – изумительный; изумительно

arrest – арестовывать

collect – собирать, забирать, инкассировать, получать деньги по долговому обязательству

contact – контактный

creditor – кредитор

envelope – конверт

hallway – коридор

industrial – промышленный

intend – намереваться

intense – интенсивный, настойчивый

jale

– тюремная камера

lense – линза

observation – наблюдение

profile – профиль

seal – печать; запечатывать

smart – разг . умный

spy – шпион

tip – разг . совет

tough – трудный, жесткий

in the affirmative – утвердительно

Get out!  – разг . Убирайся!

Yale – Йельский университет, один из наиболее престижных в США.

finance agency

– финансовое агентство

tough account – «крутой» счет ( здесь : счет, по которому трудно добиться возврата средств)

Exercise 7

Answer the questions:

1. Why hasn\'t the applicant ever been arrested?

2. What positions did the men at the police station apply to?

3. What power were they supposed to demonstrate?

4. How many ears did the man in the picture have, in the first two applicants\' opinion?

5. Why was the applicant to the position of an industrial spy employed?

6. How did the applicant to the finance agency get the job?

7. Where did the man named Jim Johnson really get his training?

8. Will you hire people that are smarter than you are, and why?

Work Gives No Satisfaction?

When you have an «I hate my job» day, try this.

On your way home from work, stop at the pharmacy, go to the thermometers section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by «Best Thermo». Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.