Black Chalk

Chad sensed that in this dream he was standing in the Great Hall in order to talk about relationships. It then ran through his mind that he was entirely unqualified to talk about relationships, what with him being a virgin. The mind-readers all reacted with shock to this thought, as if he had spoken it aloud. This was a horrible dream.

The liaison officer got to his feet and began to gesticulate but Tallest slid quickly from his bench, placed a hand on the shoulder of the old man and whispered something. The liaison officer looked surprised and uneasy and then sat down again.

Chad wanted this nightmare to end. But as with all bad dreams he was powerless.

The main person Chad did want to sleep with was Emilia. Oh, Emilia. But Emilia was taken. Taken by his best friend. And now Chad secretly wanted his best friend, his only ever real friend, to go and screw the whole thing up.

The practice of mind-reading took an immense amount of effort. This much was clear to Chad from the way that many of the people in his dream, including Emilia, were now holding their heads and rubbing their faces.

Chad felt so guilty having such awful feelings. And another thing he felt guilty about was lying, letting everyone believe he was from New York City when really he grew up on a pig farm upstate. And on the topic of guilt, what he most felt guilty about in life was self-abuse, so guilty that he imposed a limit on himself, only once a month and even then only as a reward for good grades. Also, he had been terrified for years that it was masturbation that was causing his acne but the limit didn’t seem to help.

His thoughts continued to spin but Chad couldn’t hear them any more. Where was Mitzy? The hall was turning dark and people were moving toward him. Coming faster, then tilting, then slipping away.

XLII(v)‘You really don’t remember anything?’ said Emilia.

‘Spined blot. Something about a hat? But after that, nothing.’ Chad pushed the damp cloth harder against his head. ‘OK, Jack. You can tell me one thing. I get why my head feels like this but what about the pain all down my right arm?’

‘Oh, that was the grand finale,’ said Jack. ‘The blackout. It was like timber going down in a forest.’

‘Yeah, I guessed it was something like that. I just hoped it had happened away from the crowd.’

‘No, in front of everyone.’ said Jack. ‘And on camera. The money shot.’

‘And why didn’t anyone stop me?’

‘Tallest whispered to the old guy you were recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Smart move because then the old guy signalled to the tutors that everything was in hand and he’d explain later. They wanted to call an ambulance when you went down but Jolyon smoothed the whole thing over.’

‘Wait,’ said Chad, sitting up, looking unsettled, ‘how long have I been passed out?’

‘A good four hours,’ said Dee. ‘It’s six thirty now.’

‘Oh shoot,’ said Chad. He tried to get up quickly from the bed but the pain was too severe. ‘Jeez, I really have to go.’

‘Go where?’ said Dee.

‘I have a date at seven with Mitzy.’

Jack started to laugh but quickly covered his mouth. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I don’t mean to . . . Mitzy? You mean one of those Americans who came to offer you moral support? Blonde hair? California tan?’

‘What’s wrong?’ said Chad.

XLII(vi)

It was a French bistro. The pain was a dark blot at the rearmost crook of Chad’s skull and the bruises showed when he rolled up a sleeve, so quickly he turned it down. He sat at his reserved table. He was certain Mitzy wouldn’t arrive but Chad knew he had to sit there anyway.

An hour alone at a table in a crowded restaurant, Friday night. But this was a punishment Chad felt he deserved. After the manager told him that regretfully he had to ask him to order or leave, Chad stood up and walked out through the whispers, past the eyebrows, beyond the over-shoulder glances.

He made it up to his room without seeing anyone. But just as he had known that sitting and waiting in the restaurant was the right thing to do, Chad was also certain what he had to do next.

He saw a light beneath her door and knocked lightly. Because perhaps if she were in, she might be listening to music and wouldn’t hear the lightest of knocks. And then he could return upstairs feeling that at least he had made the effort to do the right thing.

But she opened her door.

Chad dropped his head. ‘Mitzy, I’m so sorry,’ he said. She didn’t let him say anything more.