Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy

Then finally, hours and hours later, stroking his thick, dark hair as he briefly rested on the pillow, taking in every detail of his perfect features, the fine lines, the brow, the nose, the jawline, the lips. Oh God, the fun, the closeness, the ecstasy of being touched after so long by someone so beautiful, so young and so good at it. Resting my head on his chest and talking in the darkness, and then Roxster taking my upper lip and lower lip and holding them together, saying, ‘Shhhhhhhh,’ and me trying to say through his fingers, ‘But I don’t bant to btop talking.’ And Roxster whispering kindly, like I was a child or a lunatic: ‘It’s not stopping talking, it’s more like saving up talking, till the morning.’

And then . . . Oh, shit – doorbell.

I opened the door, beaming. The kids looked wild, mad-haired, dirty-faced, but happy. Daniel took one look at me and said, ‘Jones. It must have been a very good night indeed, you look twenty-five years younger. Will you jiggle on my knee and just quickly run through the details of the whole thing carefully and precisely while they watch SpongeBob SquarePants?’

Sunday 3 February 2013

9.15 p.m. Has been a wonderful rest-of-weekend. The kids were happy because I was happy. We went out and climbed trees and then came back and watched Britain’s Got Talent. Roxster texted at 2 p.m. and said it had been wonderful apart from the sick he’d found on the sleeve of his jacket. And I said it had been wonderful apart from the mess he’d made on the sheets. And we both agreed our mental ages were very low and have been demonstrating it in text form ever since.

I’m so lucky, at this time of my life, to have had that one night, with someone so young and gorgeous. I’m so grateful.

9.30 p.m. Oh God. Suddenly, for some reason, reminded of a line in the movie The Last King of Scotland

where someone says, ‘I prefer sleeping with married women. They’re so grateful.’ Think it was Idi Amin.

BACK IN THE PRESENT MOMENT

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

Saturday 20 April 2013

Texts from Roxster 0, number of times checked for texts from Roxster 4567; nits found on Billy 6, nits found on Mabel 0, nits found on me 0; minutes spent thinking back about Mark, loss, sadness, death, life without Mark, trying to be a woman again, Leatherjacketman, dating disasters, child-rearing and whole of last year 395; thoughts prepared for Monday screenplay meeting with Greenlight Productions 0; minutes of sleep 0.

5 a.m. But it wasn’t only the one night. Roxster and I just hit it off and a week turned into two weeks, and six weeks, and now it has been eleven weeks and one day.

The thing is, although in theory it was practically difficult with Roxster, it was also been surprisingly easy. Practically it was tricky because Roxster lives with three other boys the same age. So obviously we couldn’t really go back there, with me plunged into some Beavis and Butt-head-type situation, trying to deal with crispy sheets and sinkfuls of washing-up, whilst pretending to be a family friend of Roxster’s mother, who had come to stay with him in his bed in his crispy sheets.

Equally I didn’t want to introduce the kids to Roxster so soon and certainly didn’t want them to find me in bed with him. But – thanks to the hook on the bedroom door – we found our way. And it was so lovely. It has been so lovely. So lovely having a separate adult life, and meeting in pubs and little restaurants and going to movies and for walks on the Heath and having fantastic sex, and someone who cares about me. Although he hasn’t met the kids, they’ve become part of our dialogue, and part of the texting that is the running commentary on both our lives, what we’re doing, what we’re eating, what time I’ve got them to school, what Roxster’s boss has done now and more about what Roxster’s eating.

Looking back, I think I’ve been almost delirious, permanently shag-drunk, in a haze of happiness. And now it is five on Saturday morning, I have been awake all night thinking about all these things, the kids will be up in an hour, I’ve got the film meeting on Monday and have done no preparation, I probably have nits and there is still no text from Roxster.