Capital Offense

Senator Warner Hamilton Lane, she thought. I am so sorry. If only she could go back and change things, fix the multitude of mistakes she’d made.

How could a woman so adept at navigating her professional life be so deficient in her personal life? Deficient. She laughed to herself. What an understatement.

She crept out of bed and wandered around the spacious master suite. Her heart ached from the pain she’d caused. Exhaling unevenly, she looked across the room at Warner’s sport coat. Until now, she’d avoided the truth, but she knew she couldn’t any longer. The evidence of his infidelity existed, and she had found it.

Walking toward the desk, she stared at the sport coat draped over the chair. She slipped her fingers into the breast pocket, then pulled her hand back as if scorched. Carolyn bit into her lower lip, then glanced at Warner.

A soft snore escaped his lips as he rolled over.

Sliding her fingers back into his coat pocket. she pinched a corner of the note and pulled it free. With trembling hands, she unfolded the paper and read it again.

Dear Warner,

The flowers were beautiful, the dinner marvelous, and the dessert, as you know, my favorite. (Four times! How did I get so lucky?)

Perfume assaulted Carolyn’s nose as she read on:

But seriously, darling, I must tell you that when you’re not with me, I long for your touch. At night I lie with my face on your pillow, comforted by your essence. I dream of a time when we will finally be together every day. And I pray that it won’t be long.

Until next time, I’ll be missing you.

Love, Cindy

The note wasn’t any easier to read a second time, she thought. Carolyn knew why Warner had done this, but his betrayal still pierced her. She dropped the note to the floor, then crumpled onto the desk chair as the impact of her discovery finally registered.

She covered her face with her hands, giving in to the tears that wet her cheeks and palms. She’d had the best in a man and a marriage, but she’d destroyed it all. She had no one to blame but herself.

At the time, she’d thought she had little choice about having an abortion. A worm of guilt gnawed at her. She still mourned the loss of her baby, even though she’d believed that it had been the right thing to do. Now, she was no longer convinced.

Considering the child’s father, she thought giving birth would have been selfish. But maybe she’d underestimated her own strength and Warner’s love. Could she and Warner have made a life, a family, regardless of the power of the child’s biological father? The guilt bore deeper into her conscience. She’d never given Warner a chance, never given their relationship the faith and trust it had deserved.

Even if it meant losing him, she should have been forthright from the beginning. Should she tell Warner the truth about the abortion now? After all these years, she knew that he’d never accept the whole story – that the pregnancy was from a previous relationship. And he’d only despise her more if he knew who the real father had been. No, she couldn’t tell him.

Abortion. The word echoed in her mind. That single event had destroyed her marriage, her life.

Guilt and grief overcame her. No longer could she stifle her sobs. Her stomach roiled. Carolyn dashed into the bathroom. After vomiting, she splashed cold water on her face and stared at her reflection.

The world saw a poised and elegant, thirty-five-year-old assistant district attorney, a successful woman with a happy marriage and a golden path before her. She knew she was nothing but a vulnerable, flawed woman who struggled to maintain the self-assurance expected of one the youngest wives of a United States senator.

Everyone assumed she had it all, but her life was a grotesque fairytale. Only she seemed able to see the truth – she had an image built upon air. Carolyn turned away from her reflection in disgust and returned to the bedroom.

Warner still slept soundly, no doubt due to his indulgence in bourbon.

Carolyn stared down at the note as she stood in the doorway. Who was this woman? How long had they been seeing each other? Long enough that she dreamed of the time when they could be together every day, Carolyn thought. Oh my God, what if she lost him? Her legs wobbled beneath her, and she grasped the door casing for support. Over my dead body.