Fear: Trump in the White House

When they arrived at Dover, the commander pulled the president aside. According to what Trump told his senior staff later, the commander said: I want to prepare you for this, Mr. President. When you walk in, the family is going to come up to you. It will be an experience like no other. You’re the commander in chief. The respect they show to you, and their grieving, will be incredible. You’ll be there to comfort them. When the plane rolls up, when the flag-draped casket comes down, some of the family are going to lose it and they will lose it very badly. On the other hand, be prepared to have some people say something inappropriate, even harsh.

No one said anything harsh, but there was a definite coldness that the president remembered.

“That’s a hard one,” he said afterward. He was clearly rattled. He let it be known he would make no more trips to Dover.

Owens’s father, Bill Owens, was at Dover but he and his wife did not want to meet with Trump.

“I’m sorry,” Owens told the chaplain. I don’t want to meet the president. I don’t want to make a scene about it, but my conscience won’t let me talk to him.

He later also said, “For two years prior, there were no boots on the ground in Yemen—everything was missiles and drones—because there was not a target worth one American life. Now, all of a sudden we had to make this grand display.”

Instead of striking out as Trump had done against the Khans, the Gold Star parents who had appeared at the Democratic convention in 2016, Trump expressed sympathy for Owens’s father.

“I can understand people saying that,” Trump said later. “I’d feel—you know, what’s worse? There’s nothing worse.”

Several former Obama administration officials said the operation had been planned months earlier but they distanced Obama from it, saying he had never approved it.

In an interview on Fox the morning of his first joint address to Congress, Trump said the Yemen raid was something his “very respected” generals “were looking at for a long time doing.”

“And they lost Ryan,” he said.

Trump invited Carryn Owens, Ryan’s widow and mother of three young children, to sit in the balcony at the joint address to Congress on February 28. She sat next to Ivanka.

To the congressional audience and 47 million television viewers, the president said, “We are blessed to be joined tonight by Carryn Owens. Ryan died as he lived, a warrior and a hero—battling against terrorism and securing our nation.”

Because the operation was being criticized, Trump added, “I just spoke to General Mattis, who reconfirmed that, and I quote, ‘Ryan was a part of a highly successful raid that generated large amounts of vital intelligence that will lead to many more victories in the future against our enemies.’ Ryan’s legacy is etched into eternity.”

The president turned to Owens’s widow in the balcony and said “Thank you.”

Thunderous applause broke out.

At first Carryn Owens fought back tears, exhaled and mouthed, “I love you, baby.” The applause continued and tears began to stream down her face. She stood, joined her hands in apparent prayer, looked up and mouthed, “I love you.”

Trump said, “For as the Bible teaches us, there is no greater act of love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. Ryan laid down his life for his friends, for his country, and for our freedom—we will never forget him.”

The applause and standing ovation from the Congress and the audience lasted nearly two minutes.

“Ryan is looking down right now,” Trump said. “You know that. And he is very happy because I think he just broke a record.”

Carryn Owens smiled and clapped. The president greeted and embraced her in the hallway following the speech.

Afterward, when Trump had phone calls with the families of others from the military who had been killed, the White House staff noticed how hard and tough it seemed for him.

“He’s not that guy,” Bannon said. “He’s never really been around the military. He’s never been around military family. Never been around death.” The deaths of “parents of small kids” struck him particularly hard. “That had a big impact on him, and it’s seen throughout everything.”

A staffer who sat in on several calls that Trump made to Gold Star families was struck with how much time and emotional energy Trump devoted to them. He had a copy of material from the deceased service member’s personnel file.

“I’m looking at his picture—such a beautiful boy,” Trump said in one call to family members. Where did he grow up? Where did he go to school? Why did he join the service?

“I’ve got the record here,” Trump said. “There are reports here that say how much he was loved. He was a great leader.”

Some in the Oval Office had copies of the service records. None of what Trump cited was there. He was just making it up. He knew what the families wanted to hear.

Whether the international order would have a footing in the new Trump administration was tested in the first month.