Feet of Clay

The golem blinked. That is to say, its eyes went dark and then brightened again. It raised one hand very slowly and patted the top of its head. Then it held up the other hand and turned it this way and that, as if it had never seen a hand before. It looked down at its feet and around at the fog-shrouded buildings. It looked at Carrot. It looked up at the clouds above the street. It looked at Carrot again.

Then, very slowly, without bending in any way, it fell backwards and hit the cobbles with a thud. The light faded in its eyes.

There,' said Angua. 'Now it's broken. Can we go?'

There's still a bit of a glow,' said Carrot. 'It must have all been too much for him. We can't leave him here. Maybe if I took the receipt out...'

He knelt down by the golem and reached for the trapdoor on its head.

Dorfl's hand moved so quickly it didn't even appear to move. It was just there, gripping Carrot's wrist.

'Ah,' said Carrot, gently pulling his arm back. 'He's obviously... feeling better.'

'Thsssss,' said Dorfl. The voice of the golem shivered in the fog.

Golems had a mouth. They were part of the design. But this one was open, revealing a thin line of red light.

'Oh, ye gods,' said Angua, backing away. They can't speak!'

'Thssss!' It was less a syllable than the sound of escaping steam.

‘I'll find your bit of slate—' Carrot began, looking around hurriedly.

'Thssss!'

Dorfl clambered to its feet, gently pushed him out of the way and strode off.

'Are you happy now?' said Angua. ‘I'm not following the wretched thing! Maybe it's going to throw itself in the river!'

Carrot ran a few steps after the figure, and then stopped and came back.

'Why do you hate them so much?' he said.

'You wouldn't understand. I really think you wouldn't understand,' said Angua. 'It's an ... undead thing. They... sort of throw in your face the fact you're not human.'

'But you are human!'

'Three weeks out of four. Can't you understand that, when you have to be careful all the time, it's dreadful to see things like that being accepted? They're not even alive. But they can walk around and they never get people passing remarks about silver or garlic ... up until now, anyway. They're just machines for doing work!'

That's how they're treated, certainly,' said Carrot.

'You're being reasonable again!' snapped Angua. 'You're deliberately seeing everyone's point of view! Can't you try to be unfair even once?'

Nobby had been left alone for a moment while the party buzzed around him, so he'd elbowed some waiters away from the buffet and was currently scraping out a bowl with his knife.

'Ah, Lord de Nobbes,' said a voice behind him.

He turned. 'Wotcha,' he said, licking the knife and wiping it on the tablecloth.

'Are you busy, my lord?'

'Just making meself this meat-paste sandwich,' said Nobby.

That's pate de foie gras, my lord.'

S that what it's called? It doesn't have the kick of Clammer's Beefymite Spread, I know that. Want a quail's egg? They're a bit small.'

'No, thank you—'

There's loads of them,' said Nobby generously. They're free. You don't have to pay.'

'Even so—'

'I can get six in my mouth at once. Watch—'

'Amazing, my lord. I was wondering, however, whether you would care to join a few of us in the smoking-room?'

'Fghmf? Mfgmf fgmf mgghjf?'

'Indeed.' A friendly arm was put around Nobby's shoulders and he was adroitly piloted away from the buffet, but not before he had grabbed a plate of chicken legs. 'So many people want to talk to you...'

'Mgffmph?'

Sergeant Colon tried to clean himself up, but trying to clean yourself up with water from the Ankh was a difficult manoeuvre. The best you could hope for was an all-over grey.

Fred Colon hadn't reached Vimes's level of sophisticated despair. Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erratically in all directions that the chances of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme. Colon, being by nature more optimistic and by intellect a good deal slower, was still at the Clues are Important stage.

Why had he been tied up with string? There were still loops of it around his arms and legs.

'You sure you don't know where I was?' he said.

'Yez walked into the place,' said Wee Mad Arthur, trotting along beside him. 'How come yez don't know?'

Cos it was dark and foggy and I wasn't paying attention, that's why. I was just going through the motions.'

'Aha, good one!'

'Don't mess about. Where was I?'

'Don't ask me,' said Wee Mad Arthur. 'I just hunts under the whole cattle-market area. I don't bother about what's up top. Like I said, them runs go everywhere.'

'Anyone along there make string?'

'It's all animal stuff, I tell yez. Sausages and soap and stuff like that. Is this the bit where yez gives me the money?'

Colon patted his pockets. They squelched.

'You'll have to come to the Watch House, Wee Mad Arthur.'

'I got a business to run here!'

'I'm swearin' you in as a Special Watchman for the night,' said Colon.

'What's the pay?'

'Dollar a night.'

Wee Mad Arthur's tiny eyes gleamed. They gleamed red.