Five Spice Street

‘‘On the path of your life, one false step might send you into hell. Not until I began acting alone did I realize in despair that-I don’t know when this began-a tail was developing behind me. No matter how sharp I was, no matter how I changed my tactics, she always had ways to deal with me. And she didn’t deal with me in a passive way: she was extremely aggressive. I couldn’t get away from her. It made me dizzy. Did I guard Madam X every day and fulfill my responsibility to my friend, or did I play hide-and-seek with my wife? When I went out in the morning, my objective seemed clear, and so was my head, but as soon as I was halfway there, a dramatic transition often occurred. I felt dizzy: not only did I lose the object of my pursuit, but I became the object of other people’s pursuit. I wanted to break loose. I dodged here and there-sometimes entering a bosk, sometimes hiding behind a pile of garbage, sometimes climbing to the roof from a certain attic. I almost turned into a monkey.

‘‘My wife was enjoying this kind of game. But to me, it was really annoying, and the future seemed hopeless. Madam X’s endless mutating tricks were hard enough for me to deal with, and now there were my wife’s tricks, too! The more anxious I was to free myself of her entanglement, the more interested she became. She was also glowing with health, just as if she’d turned into a young girl in her prime. Every time I thought of a new way to break away, she immediately and feverishly redeployed all her shrewdness to deal with me, to compete with me for the advantage. I was really suffering. I said directly to her, if she went on like this, we would both end up being hurt. Was she aware of what she was doing? A person living in this world should have her own clear life tenets, should always pursue the same goals. To be a parasite or to hinder the actions of others was immoral. It was disgraceful. Also, if you foolishly and ignorantly idled away your time, you wouldn’t have any memories when you were old, just some shadows of the life that you had lived. You would regret this. All my life, I’ve tried to attain the highest spiritual realm and abandoned all physical enjoyment. I’ve walked on a road filled with hardships and dangers. Too bad she couldn’t become my most intimate friend, my helpmate. Instead, she left no stone unturned in destroying me. It’s really been hard to endure.