Frog

They all raise their glasses and shout congratulations.

Liu Guifang and a pair of helpers enter with cardboard boxes, followed by TV journalists and cameramen.

LIU GUIFANG: Congratulations!

TADPOLE: My old classmate, what are you doing here?

LIU: I came for a celebration drink. Am I not welcome? (She shakes hands with the people around the table and exchanges pleasantries, saving Gugu for last.) Gugu, you’ve recaptured your youth.

GUGU: That makes me an old witch.

TADPOLE: We couldn’t get you here with an invitation, but here you are. What is all this stuff? I don’t want you to go broke.

LIU: I’m just a cook, what’s there to go broke? (points to the boxes) I cooked this myself for you. Fried yellow croaker, pork-skin jelly and large steamed buns. Tell me what you think of my cooking skills, everyone. Gugu, I’ve brought a bottle of fifty-year-old Maotai especially for you to show my respect.

GUGU: It’s not every day you drink fifty-year-old Maotai. Last New Year’s, one of the high officials in Pingnan city had his daughter-in-law give me a bottle. When the cork was pulled, the room was suffused with its special aroma.

TADPOLE: (uneasily) And who are these people, old classmate?

LIU: (drags the female reporter up) I forgot to introduce everyone to Miss Gao, who works for the municipal TV station, hosting and producing the program Aspects of Society. Miss Gao, this is Uncle Tadpole, the playwright who has fathered a son late in life, a remarkable feat. And she (the woman in the role of reporter is dragged over to Gugu

) is our Northeast Gaomi Township’s sainted Gugu, which is what we call her no matter how old or young we are. She has ushered everyone here, from one generation to the next, into the world.

GUGU: (takes the reporter’s hand) What a charming girl you are. One look at you and I can picture what your father and mother are like. In the past, it was family status that determined whether or not a match was appropriate. Now I’m in favour of looking at genes before family status. Good genes are what guarantee the birth of intelligent, healthy babies. With bad genes nothing works.

REPORTER: (signals the cameraman to film) Gugu is right in step with the times.

GUGU: Hardly. But in my dealings with people in all fields I manage to pick up some modern terms and ideas.

TADPOLE: (softly to Liu Guifang) This isn’t something we should broadcast, is it?

LIU: (softly) Miss Gao is going to marry into my family soon. There is stiff competition among TV stations these days, fighting over information, material and ideas, and I need to help her.

REPORTER: Gugu, why do you think Uncle Tadpole and his wife were able to have a child so late in life? Is it because of their good genes?

GUGU: Most definitely. They both have good genes.

REPORTER: Do you think that one of their genes might be a tad better than the others?

GUGU: You need to have a better understanding of genes before you can ask that question.

REPORTER: Do you think you can explain what genes are in terms that our viewers can easily understand?

GUGU: Genes are life, genes are one’s fate.

REPORTER: Fate?

GUGU: Flies can’t get into an egg that isn’t cracked. Do you understand?

REPORTER: Yes.

GUGU:

People with bad genes are like cracked eggs, and their offspring will be born with cracks. Understand?

LIU: (to Gao) Why don’t you let Gugu take a moment to have a drink. You can ask Uncle Tadpole. This is Uncle Yuan Sai, and this is Uncle Li Shou. They were all classmates of mine, and they know everything there is to know about genes. You can interview each of them. (pours a glass for Gugu) Here’s to Gugu’s health and a long life, may you always look after our Northeast Township’s children!

REPORTER: Uncle Tadpole, I know you were born in 1953, which makes you fifty-five this year. At that age, country folk are already grandparents, but you have just fathered a son. Can you tell us how you feel about that?

TADPOLE: Last month, seventy-eight-year-old Professor Li of Qidong University celebrated the one-month anniversary of his son and visited his hundred-and-three-year-old father, elder Professor Li, in the hospital. Did you read that?

REPORTER: Yes.

TADPOLE: A man is at his prime in his fifties. The issue is with women.

REPORTER: Would it be all right to interview your wife?