Granny Dan

“So, did he tell you that he cannot leave his wife? That she will not agree to a divorce? You're a fool, Danina Petroskova, it is an old, old story. And he will keep making you promises and breaking them, until he breaks your heart and costs you your life as a dancer, and he will never leave her.” She sounded as though she spoke from experience, or something very bitter which had touched her a long time ago. She had neither forgiven nor forgotten, nor would she now. “Is that what he told you?” The older woman pressed her, but Danina would never admit to her that it was. She knew that Nikolai would never hurt her, no matter what Madame Markova thought of him, or what demons haunted her from the past.

“He had a message for me from the Czar and Czarina,” Danina said calmly.

“And what is that?” Danina did not tell her that they wanted her back for a visit that summer. That would have been the final blow between her and Madame Markova. And she knew she couldn't tell her yet.

“Only that they miss me and are worried about my health.”

“How kind of them, what important friends you have now. But they will not help you when you can no longer dance, they will not want you then, and your doctor will forget you long before that.” She said it with a bitterness Danina had never seen in her before.

“Not necessarily, Madame,” Danina said with quiet dignity, turned on her heel, and went to her next class. There was only so much she would take from her now, and it did not matter to her that Marie would not agree to divorce him or leave for England. They could still have a life together. She was still willing to be with him, married or not.

From then on, every day in May was an agony, made worse by Madame Markova's constant criticism and accusations. Danina was accused of being out of step, out of time, her arabesques were a disgrace, her arms now moved like wood, her legs were stiff, her leaps pathetic. Madame Markova was doing everything she could to push Danina to the breaking point, and break her spirit. She wanted to make her fight for her dancing, and to give up everything but that.

But in spite of it, Danina held on, and Nikolai came to see her again in June. And this time he brought a personal letter from the Czarina. They wanted her to come to Livadia in August, for the entire month if possible, but Danina did not see how she could do it. Nothing had changed with Nikolai in the past month. If anything, Marie was more adamant about staying where she was, and she was making things very difficult about the children, which seemed to surprise him even more.

“I think people do that. They have to make things more painful. Like Madame Markova with me now. It is their own special kind of revenge because in your spirit you have escaped them. And if the Czarina truly wants me to come, she will have to order Madame Markova to send me. She will not dare refuse an Imperial command, otherwise I will not be allowed to accept their invitation, and can't go.”

“They can't do that to you,” he complained. “You're not a slave here.”

“I might as well be,” she said, looking exhausted. But when he left this time, he promised that he would have the Czar himself command her to come, if that was what was required.

And this time, when he went back, he made a clean breast of it to the Czar. He told him everything, and begged for his assistance in getting Danina to Livadia. The Czar was moved by what he said, and promised to do what he could, though from what he knew of the ballet, he knew how rigorous it was and how demanding they were of their top dancers.

“They may not even listen to me,” he said with a smile. “They think they answer only to God, and I'm not even sure they follow His orders.” The Czar smiled at Nikolai.

But the letter that came to Madame Markova in July was difficult for even her to ignore. The Czar explained that the health of the Czarevitch depended on it, as he had become inordinately attached to Danina, and was inconsolable in her absence. He begged Madame Markova to allow Danina to join them.

And when Danina was called into her office this time, Madame Markova's eyes were blazing and her mouth was set in a hard thin line, and she said only that she would be accompanying Danina to Livadia for a month. They were to leave on the first of August, and Madame Markova looked anything but pleased about it. But that was not what Danina wanted to hear, and she was willing to fight for what she got now. She had worked hard for them for three months, almost to the point of persecution. And now they owed her time away with Nikolai. It was all she wanted of her, and Danina would settle for nothing less.

“No, Madame,” she said, taking the older woman completely by surprise. But she sounded like a grown woman now, and no longer an obedient child.