High Profile

Jesse picked his own gun up off the bar top.

“I’ll kill you if I have to,” Jesse said.

“Close your case for you,” Lutz said.

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“I’ll stay after Lorrie,” Jesse said.

“Without me you got nothing,” Lutz said. “There’s no sign of her anywhere.”

Lutz began to back toward the front door, the gun still in his hand.

“I don’t want to do this, Lutz,” Jesse said.

Lutz nodded and smiled at him sadly.

“But you will,” Lutz said.

He raised the gun and aimed at Jesse and Jesse shot him in the middle of the mass, three times, his hand steady, his mind now empty, concentrating only on the shot. Lutz lurched a little. The gun fell from his hand. He went back another couple of steps and fell over, and lay on his side and bled to death on Jesse’s rug.

Jesse stayed where he was by the bar and looked at the body on the floor. The sound that came after gunfire was always paralyzing. After a time he put the gun on the bar and got off the bar stool and walked over to Lutz and looked down. Lutz’s face had lost all expression. His open eyes saw nothing.

“You goddamned fool,” Jesse said.

Then he went to the phone and called the station. 2 8 5

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Jesse sat alone on his deck, looking at the dark harbor and at the lights of Paradise Neck across the harbor. Lutz was gone. His rug had been cleaned. The press had left. The governor had called to congratulate him. Neat as a pin. He put his feet up on the railing and tilted his chair back slightly and rocked.

“Lorrie Pilarcik,” he said aloud.

He could see the running lights of the harbormaster’s boat moving among the moored boats in the near harbor, heading deviously for the town wharf. Behind him, through the open door of the deck, across the living room, he heard a key

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in the front-door lock. Only one person had the key. In a moment, it opened and then closed and he heard her footsteps.

“Jesse,” she said. “It’s Jenn.”

He put his hand up and she took it and held it as she sat down on the chair beside him.

“You okay?” she said.

“I am,” Jesse said.

“I heard about it on the news.”

Jesse nodded.

“You want to talk about it?” Jenn said.

“Not very much,” Jesse said.

“Have you been sleeping?” Jenn said.

“Not much,” Jesse said.

“I remember what you’re like,” she said.

“I’m glad you remember,” Jesse said.

“If you’ll have me, I’d like to spend the night,” Jenn said.

“That may not make me sleep,” Jesse said.

Jenn smiled.

“I’m glad you remember,” she said. “I’d like to stay if you’ll have me.”

“Yes,” Jesse said.

“Would you like me to make you a drink?” Jenn said. The night air felt clear in his lungs.

“Yes,” he said.

Jenn went to the bar. Jesse watched the harbor boat wind toward shore. Jenn brought back scotch for Jesse and citron vodka for herself. They sat together and sipped their drinks and watched the harbor boat.

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“I couldn’t tell from the news why he did it,” Jenn said.

“Cherchez la femme,”

Jesse said.

“He did it for a woman?”

“He thought he did.”

“Is she culpable?” Jenn said.

“I think so,” Jesse said.

“Are you going to get her, too?”

“I’m going to try.”

“But you might not be able to,” Jenn said.

“Maybe not,” Jesse said.

“Can you tell me about it?” Jenn said.

“Sure,” Jesse said.

She listened silently as he told her what Lutz had told him.

“And you can’t use any of what you know?”

“Not as evidence,” Jesse said.

“The poor man,” Jenn said.

“He killed two adults and an unborn baby,” Jesse said.

“For her.”

“He’s the one who did it,” Jesse said.

“And we’re all responsible for what we do,” Jenn said.

“If you don’t believe that, what the hell else is there?”

“It’s not always true,” Jenn said. “We both know that.”

“But we have to act as if it were true,” Jesse said.

“So we have to pretend,” Jenn said.

Jesse sipped his drink.

“I guess,” Jesse said.

They were quiet. She held his hand. They were sitting so 2 8 8

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close that her shoulder brushed his. He could feel her hair touch his cheek.

“You know,” Jenn said. “There’s something very odd about you and me.”

“There’s a lot odd about you and me, Jenn. We are a fucking mess.”

“We are,” she said. “A bad fucking mess. Me maybe more than you.”

“There’s enough to go around,” Jesse said.

“But the odd thing,” Jenn said, “is that in some weird way it sort of proves that love is real.”

“It does?”

“We have every reason to be apart, and absolutely no reason to be together,” Jenn said.

“I know.”

“And here we are,” Jenn said.

“For the moment,” Jesse said.

“Why are we here?” Jenn said. “Together, after everything?”

Jesse tilted his head back and closed his eyes and breathed. His lungs seemed to have expanded since Jenn arrived. He seemed to breathe more deeply.

“I love you,” he said. “And you love me.”

“What else could it be?” Jenn said.

“Obsession?” Jesse said.

“Love,” Jenn said. “Obsessive, dishonest, self-absorbed, whatever is wrong with it, and a lot is wrong, we love each other.”

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Jesse nodded.