Jade War

“What you had to?” Maro asked, skepticism strangling each of his words. “You had to volunteer for a dramatic public death?”

“I was being discredited and forced out, Maro. The Mountain was using me to undermine and weaken No Peak.” She’d promised herself she would not give in to defensiveness, but she heard it creeping into her voice anyway. “I had to put a stop to it. On the phone, you reminded me that I deserved my position. You told me not to give in.”

Maro shook his head. “A duel wasn’t what I had in mind! You could’ve been killed.”

Shae said, “Yes, but I wasn’t. I’m still here. Still the Weather Man.”

“But if you had been killed—and you almost were—you wouldn’t even have spoken to me beforehand. That’s…” Disbelief and anger contorted his expression. “That’s not how it’s supposed to work between people who care about each other. How could you not even talk to me about it?”

“What would you have said?” Shae asked. “Would you have supported my decision? Or would you have told me not to risk my life? To avoid the duel by not showing up?”

She regretted her words almost at once. Maro’s eyes widened, and then his face crumpled softly. “Yes,” he said. “I suppose that’s exactly what I would’ve said. I would’ve told you that you’re above that kind of thing, above using violence to prove yourself. No matter the public pressures, I would’ve reminded you of what you once said to me: that it’s brave to be true to who you are.”

Shae said quietly, “This is who I am.”

Maro reached a hand partway across the table but did not touch her. “It’s not who you are when you’re with me.” When she didn’t meet his eyes, he nodded sadly. “But I don’t really know you, do I? All the time we’ve spent together, I was seeing what I wanted to and what you wanted to show me. Your other side, the greener side—I don’t know that person at all.”

Shae’s face felt hot, as if Maro had slapped her. “I never meant to lie to you or shut you out. I tried to warn you that there’re things about the clan and about me that you wouldn’t agree with.”

“Whether I agree with them or not, you shouldn’t have kept me in the dark like that!” Maro’s voice rose and he forced it down again, with effort. “You’re right—maybe there are things in your life and your family that I’m never going to be able to accept. I’ve thought about them, before—how couldn’t I? I wondered if I would have to join the clan to be able to marry you, how we’d ever raise a family with the demands on you as Weather Man, whether my Shotarian family would ever be able to meet yours… there were so many things that I knew we would have to talk about, but I always assumed we would talk about them. We’d be truthful with each other about the challenges, and we’d get through them together.” He searched her face with pained eyes. “That’s the only way I want a relationship with you—if we’re completely honest with each other. I know you can’t tell me everything that you do as Weather Man. I can live with that, but things that affect your safety, our

lives… I deserve that much, at least. Can you promise not to keep important things from me?”

Shae was lacking enough moisture in her throat. She certainly couldn’t tell Maro about the abortion, not now, not with him already hurt. What else might she have to do in the future that she wouldn’t be able to explain? “In the last few years, I’ve done things I never thought I would,” she admitted hoarsely. “I’m not sure what I can promise anymore.”

Maro’s silence lasted for an interminable minute. It seemed to Shae that he was receding from her, shrinking to the end of a tunnel. Maro drew his hand back to his side of the table and looked away, across the green lawn of the campus, the line of his bearded jaw flexing. “I don’t know where this leaves us, then.”

Shae managed to say, “As friends, for now. If that’s something you’ll still accept from me.”

Maro closed the book on the table, one finger tucked between the pages to hold his place as he stood up. His lips formed the shape of a weak smile, but one entirely without cheer. “Of course. Who in all of Kekon would be unwise enough to refuse the friendship of the No Peak clan?”

CHAPTER 33

Not a Safe Place