Junior Year Box Set

Then she lectured me the rest of the way to my appointment with my family doctor. You would think that a seventeen-year-old would be able to see his doctor without his mom. Guess again! It seemed they wanted to play a little game called ‘Scared Straight,’ because they showed me a series of pictures of the possible effects of unprotected sex. I think my nuts actually crawled up into my body when I saw what might happen.

Thankfully, the nurse walked my sample down to the lab, and they tested it while Mr. Happy vowed to never want to spend time with another woman. Bad things happened! If he wasn’t a believer, I was. Then my test results came back, and I was given a clean bill of health.

On the way back to school, I found out what my punishment would be for my fun with Brook the past weekend.

“Your father and I will go on all your recruiting trips from now on. You are also not going with anyone else. It sounds like you’ve all been irresponsible. All it would take is for something like this to get out, and you might do serious damage to your career as both a model and actor. I understand that most universities don’t want troublemakers on their teams, either.”

“What about Brandon? He organizes everything for me.”

“Brandon was supposed to be the responsible one who was to watch out for you. I talked to Tom, and Brandon was let go. I didn’t think I needed to be on your trips, but apparently, I was mistaken. You’ve made significant strides towards growing up, but it’s clear you’re not there yet. You brought this on yourself, so I don’t want to hear any complaints. Is that clear?” she asked.

“But I didn’t do anything,” I complained.

When would I learn to shut up?

“David Allen Dawson, do you want me to dig into what happened on all your recruiting trips?”

That would not only be ‘no’ but ‘HELL NO!’ I could foresee a long stint locked in my room if she found out about swinger parties and hookers. Believe me, if my mom decided to find out, she would. All she’d have to do was get Alan alone, and she would have him broken in five minutes. If Mom wanted to be cruel, all she had to do was put Tami on the case. She would get me to admit to everything. I now had the proper motivation to shut up.

“I love you,” I tried.

Mom accepted my offer of surrender.

◊◊◊

Before football practice, my friends about died. Coach Hope had the team meet in shorts and t-shirts in the film room.

“Everyone, settle down,” he began.

Coach had a duffle bag on the podium, and he reached inside and pulled out a lifelike representation of a penis. Of course, any roomful of boys would laugh if they saw their football coach pull a dildo out of his bag. There were some funny comments. The one that made me laugh was along the lines of you shouldn’t drop your soap in the shower with Coach around. That one got us all a look that had us a little nervous. I think we all realized we were dealing with a Marine.

He then pulled out a condom.

“I’ve been told that we need to have a talk about sex education, specifically the importance of using a condom during sex. I’m going to assume you’re all brain-damaged hormonal teens who don’t remember your talk in middle school.

“First, this is your penis,” he said as he held up the dildo. “This is a condom. Your penis does not go into a vagina without a condom. The proper technique is to actually open the condom wrapper. I’m sure some of you will forget this step, so let me repeat it: open the damned wrapper.”

Coach tore open the foil pack and held up the condom so we could all see it.

“Then you roll the condom over the shaft of your penis like this. Be sure to leave space at the tip for, oh, hell, just do what I say,” Coach finished.

Yuri raised his hand. Coach was surprised but pointed at him.

“Two questions: where do we get condoms, and where are the women who will allow us to use one on them?” Yuri asked.

“Ask David,” Coach said and stormed out.

All the little dumbasses looked at me. I just flipped them off.

◊◊◊

Brook and I skipped the dojo and drove to our local airport where we were supposed to meet someone from Range Sports. We found him in the building where we’d taken the skydiving classes.

“You must be Brook and David. I’m Don Maier. Range Sports has asked me to make sure you’re safe on your shoot on Saturday. Did you bring your jump logs?” he asked.

Don reviewed everything and seemed to be satisfied. Then he ruined our day.

“Neither one of you has enough experience to use a wingsuit. There are too many dangers for skydivers of your limited experience for Range Sports to sign off on it. Neither our insurance carrier nor I would allow it, even with a waiver.”

“What would we have to worry about if we were to wear a wingsuit?” Brook asked.

“When you first exit the plane, you have to be aware that a wingsuit is very different than regular skydiving. It’s more like gliding, in that you can get some lift. If that happens when you exit the plane, it could result in a tail strike.”