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“Your Grandma Dawson and I had a long talk. I think I need to apologize for several things,” she said, and then paused. “No, I know I need to apologize.”

I got a nervous feeling in my stomach. My Grandma Dawson wasn’t like my mom was with Tami; Grandma didn’t like Tami more than she did me. It was no contest with her. I was afraid of what she might have said to Tami. My dad and uncle had a similar relationship with her to the one I had with my mom. That meant she knew everything that’d happened with Tami and me.

I’d spent some time reflecting on my mom and Tami’s relationship. I kept forgetting that she and I had been almost inseparable for many years. Just like I consider Tami’s mom and Mrs. A my second moms, I realized that my mom felt that Tami was her daughter. Tami had grown up in my family as much as I had in hers. I never once doubted that her mom cared for me.

Looking back, I’d put my mom in a no-win situation. Logically, Mom knew that I was her son, and if it came down to it, she should take my side. However, there was more to it than that. Tami was the daughter she never had. On some level, I regretted forcing my mom to pick sides.

At the time, I had to. My family told each other everything. I couldn’t help but protect myself where Tami was concerned back then. Oddly enough, my dad’s infidelity coming out actually helped with Tami. From that, I’d found that I no longer needed or even wanted to tell my mother everything about me. If that were the case, then I had no problem with my mom liking Tami more than she did me, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what did my grandma say to you?” I asked.

“She basically told me I was a selfish little girl who needed to grow up, that my actions had probably cost me the man of my dreams. She actually called me a ‘stupid girl’ and said you’d be okay without me.

“Your grandma explained how much I’d hurt you, and how devastating it was when you found Alan and me in bed together. David, you have to believe me, it never would have happened but for my own stupidity. I forced my way into going to campuses with you. Your grandma explained how selfish that was. Your purpose was to find a college that would not only be a fit but had long-range implications to help you make it to the NFL. Two weekends in a row, you had to deal with my friends and me as a distraction.

“I want to talk about Alan, and I promise this’ll be the last time. Is that okay?” she asked.

“Not really, but let’s get this over with,” I said, letting some of the irritation I felt come through.

“I understand this is hard for you to hear, but I need to say it. Alan and I went a little crazy and had too much to drink. Brandon wanted to know how we knew each other so well. We told him about being best friends with you and Jeff. Brandon asked if we used to do any kinky foursomes. Alan said that I only had eyes for you, so neither he nor Jeff ever made a move on me.

“Brandon asked if we ever thought about getting together, and we admitted that we never had. He encouraged us to kiss and see if there was any chemistry. I admit that it felt naughty, and I was a little horny after seeing all those college guys. I didn’t expect that Alan would be such a good kisser. Gina must have taken her time and taught him,” she said.

Those old feelings of rage begin to bubble up in my gut, surprising me. I needed to accept that I would always feel that Tami was mine, even though she’d made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t.

“I didn’t think much more of the kiss at the time. We just had fun and got drunk off our asses. I remember Brandon helping us get to the hotel, and getting into bed with my clothes on. I’ve wondered what happened that night, to the point that I went and talked to Alan yesterday. He remembered it pretty much the same way. Neither one of us knows how we got naked. I have to hope … no, that’s not right … I know that even if Alan were drunk out of his mind, he would never take advantage of me,” Tami said.

“Look, even if it did happen, it was with Alan, someone you care about.”

I ignored the fact that I’d found the condom. Tami wanted to believe that Alan, one of her best friends, hadn’t had sex with her. There was no need to ruin her friendship with him by throwing it in her face.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry it happened. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I thought you needed to know what really happened.”

“Somehow, I doubt we’ll ever know what really happened,” I said.

“You’re probably right. Can you forgive me?” Tami asked.

“I already have.”

“Will you ever be friends with Alan and me like we used to?” she asked.

“I guess anything’s possible.”

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