Junior Year Box Set

“I was wondering if you might help me decide what to eat? Possibly even a bottle of wine or two,” I suggested.

Tansy smiled.

“Let me finish up, and I’ll join you,” she said.

I sauntered back to our table, where Caryn looked panic-stricken.

“What did you just do?” she hissed at me.

“I thought we might need help spending Mr. Vance’s money. Tansy looked like she’d been here before and would be able to help,” I said.

When Tansy’s meeting broke up, she came and joined us.

“Tansy, this is Caryn Buckley, my manager,” I said by way of introduction.

Tansy looked at me. I played dumb as if she should know who I was. I thought Caryn was going to have kittens.

“This is David A. Dawson,” Caryn said.

Tansy pulled her phone out and looked me up. I really couldn’t blame her.

“Who was the French director who gave you a hard time?” Tansy asked.

“Laurent Vance. Do you know him?” I asked.

“No, but I’ve heard rumors,” she said and then smiled. “I believe someone mentioned wine.”

It turned out that the Soho House was a members-only club. If I ever lived in LA, I would want to be a member. They served a spicy tuna appetizer that confirmed I loved tuna. I had a barbecued carrot salad and black truffle and goat cheese pizza, two dishes I’d never had before, and loved. I do know that Tansy and Caryn polished off two bottles of a chardonnay that were $240 each.

Tansy was funny after she’d had some wine. She dropped into her Tennessee accent and regaled us with stories. I had to leave Caryn because I had one more scene to shoot. I invited Tansy to dinner at Rita’s house, and to my surprise, she accepted.

◊◊◊

On the way back to the studio, Saul called. I’d told Fritz the story, and he wanted to hear what Saul had to say, so I put it on speaker.

“Hey, what’s up, Saul?”

“Hey, I got some feedback from the frog director.”

“Listen …” I said, starting to explain what happened.

“He loved you.”

“Really?”

“They want to wrap you up in a scarf and give you a baguette.”

I mouthed ‘He loved me’ and then acted like I was blowing my brains out, which caused Fritz to snort.

“They want to throw four million at you.”

“You’re kidding,” I deadpanned.

“You smiling?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m smiling,” I said with a frown.

Fritz was having trouble holding in the laughter.

“Can you hear me smiling? You got my balls tingling. Call me.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you later.”

Fritz finally burst out laughing, and I joined in. That movie was never happening. Someone was jerking Saul’s chain.

◊◊◊

When I arrived home, I had Halle and Rita with me. Rosy came stomping out of the kitchen.

“You, you,” she huffed and then turned around and stomped back to the kitchen.

“Does she do that often?” I asked.

“I’ve never seen her do that. Something you might want to tell me?” Rita asked.

I heard laughter in the kitchen. Rita and Halle looked at me and decided it would be easier to just go see what was going on.

“Rita, Halle, when did you get back?” Tansy asked.

It was apparent they were friends. I ran upstairs and took a shower. The last scene had me running all over, and the James women wanted to go home before I was able to take one in my trailer. When I was done, I walked downstairs and hugged Rosy to make up. She explained that if I ever invited someone like Tansy over unannounced again, I would be in trouble. I just told her, “I no speak English.”

The women broke out more wine after dinner, so I retreated to my room. I needed to prepare for my commercial tomorrow. I had a couple of lines and had to learn them phonetically. They had emailed me audio bites that I repeated until I sounded like the recording. I had no idea what I was saying; I was trusting they wouldn’t have me say anything too terrible.

◊◊◊

Halle came into my room just as I was about ready to go to bed.

I recited my first line in the commercial.

“Are you the lead in the next Godzilla movie?” she teased.

I gave her the second line and pointed in front of me.

“I see. You’ve discovered a monster and need my help to slay it.”

This game was starting to be fun. I said my last line as sexily as I could, and Halle laughed at me. I grabbed her and roared. She squealed so loud that Rita came bursting in. Halle was over my shoulder, and I was about to spank her butt. I looked at Rita and repeated my first line.

Maybe I misheard, but I think she called me retarded as she left. I swatted Halle’s bottom and gently laid her down on my bed.

“How does your mom know Tansy?” I asked.

“They did Good Old Days before either of them was famous. They’ve been friends ever since.”

“How big a dork does Tansy think I am?”

“She likes you. She felt bad about lunch and paid for it.”

“You want to hear something funny? They offered me the job even after the director tried to run me off,” I said.

“Saul called Caryn, and she told him what was said. Saul didn’t care. He said let them pay you four million and then kick you off the set.”

“I’m not sure I could do that.”

“It’s only a four-week shoot for you. I could put up with a lot for four million,” Halle said.