Katya & The Prince of Siam

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Monday 14th July 1919. In the evening I signed the divorce agreement between myself and Katya. This has been a matter of great difficulty for a long time, but I haven’t recorded it in my diary, because in this diary I have not written down my innermost thoughts … Here I am just giving the brief facts so that later readers can understand the situation. The causes go back many years and stem from Katya’s dissatisfaction with a multitude of matters. If she is dissatisfied with anything it is always my fault. It is very difficult to make her happy because one has to judge it absolutely right. If she realises that one is agreeing to something, merely to humour her or in an attempt to please her, again she becomes angry. She says she doesn’t want anyone to make sacrifices and won’t accept them. Thus not only does she want everyone to do what she wants, but also she wants them to think what she wants - an extremely tall order. Recently whenever she’s been dissatisfied, she’s immediately asked for a divorce. Before, she went for a change of scene and holiday; this time, she was determined to get one. I persuaded her that her health was poor and she should go for a holiday and she calmed down. I’ve been very unhappy. My house is no longer somewhere where I can relax and unwind. I am someone who has a fair amount of work and commitments. I need support and a restful atmosphere at home. This time, when Katya went away, I felt a great sense of release and was able to relax. I also became closer to Chavalit. Both of us have become increasingly fond of each other. However, I had no intention of divorcing my wife and taking a new one, feeling that that would not be a proper course of action. I thought that possibly when Katya came back she might take Chavalit under her wing as part of the household, so that I could have some one at least who gives me some pleasure and makes me feel calm and relaxed.