Mia Goes Fourth

this was going. 'Mom, how could you be so irresponsible as to let Fat Louie out in the first place? I've told you again and

again — you've got to keep my bedroom window closed, you know how he likes to watch the pigeons. Louie doesn't have

any outdoor survival skills . . .'

'So naturally,' my mom said, 'you wouldn't expect him to survive two nights out of doors.'

'No,' I practically wailed. 'I wouldn't.'

'Right. See. So you'd be mentally prepared when I called you on the third day to say despite everything we'd done, Louie

was dead.'

'OH, MY GOD!' I snatched up Fat Louie from where he was lying beside me on the bed. 'And you think I should do that

to poor Michael? He has a dog, not a cat! Pavlov's never going to get up on the roof!'

'No,' my mother said, looking tired. Well, and why not? She was hauling around a dozen or so extra pounds all of a sudden. 'I'm saying you should begin mentally preparing Michael for the disappointment he is going to feel if, indeed, you need to

cancel him on Friday night. Call him and tell him you might not be able to make it. That's all. Cat-on-the-roof him.'

I let Fat Louie go. Not just because I finally realized what my mom was getting at, but because he was trying to bite me in

order to get me to loosen the stranglehold I had on him.

'Oh,' I said. 'You think if I do that - start mentally preparing him for my not being able to go out with him on Friday - he

won't dump me when I get around to breaking the actual news?'

'Mia,' my mom said. 'No boy is going to dump you because you have to cancel a date. If any boy does, then he wasn't

worth going out with anyway. Much like Tina's Dave, I'd venture to say. She's probably better off without him. Now.

Do your homework.'

Only how could anyone expect me to do my homework after imparting a piece of information like that?

Instead I went online. I meant to instant message Michael, but I found that Tina was instant messaging me.

Iluvromance: Hi, Mia. What R U doing?

She sounded so sad! She was even using a blue font!

FtLouie: I'm just doing my Bio. How are you?

Iluvromance: OK, I guess. I just miss him so imichimmmilimiim I wish I had never even

             heard of stupid Jane Eyre.

Remembering what my mom had said, I wrote:

FtLouie: Tina, if Dave was willing to break up with you just because you didn't return

         his calls, then he was not worthy of you. You will find a new boy, one who

         appreciates you.

Iluvromance: Do U really think so?

FtLouie: Absolutely.

Iluvromance: But where am I going to find a boy who appreciates me at AEHS? All the boys

             who go there are morons. Except MM of course.

FtLouie: Don't worry, we'll find someone for you. I have to go IM my dad now . . .

I didn't want to tell her that the person I really had to IM was Michael. I didn't want to rub it in that I had a boyfriend and she didn't. Also, I hoped she didn't remember that in Genovia, where my dad was, it was four o'clock in the morning. Also that the Palais de Genovia doesn't have instant messaging.

FtLouie: so TTYL.

Iluvromance: OK, bye. If U feel like chatting later, I'll be here. I have nowhere else

             to go.

Poor, sweet Tina! She is clearly prostrate with grief. Really, if you think about it, she is well rid of Dave. If he wanted to leave her for this Jasmine girl so badly, he could have let her down gently by cat-on-the-roofing her. If he were any kind of gentleman, he would have. But it was all too clear now that Dave was no gentleman at all.

I'm glad MY boyfriend is so different. Or at least, I hope he is. No, wait, of course he is. He's MICHAEL.

FtLouie: Hey!

LinuxRulz:Hey back atcha! Where have you been?

FtLouie: Princess lessons.

LinuxRulz:Don't you know everything there is to know about being a princess yet?

FtLouie: Apparently not. Grandmere's got me in for some fine tuning. Speaking of which,

         is there, like, a later showing of Star Wars than the seven o'clock?

LinuxRulz:Yeah, there's an eleven. Why?

FtLouie: Oh, nothing.

LinuxRulz: WHY?

But see, here was the part where I couldn't do it. Maybe because of the capital letters, or maybe because my conversation

with Tina was still too fresh in my mind. The unparalleled sadness in her blue U letters was just too much for me. I know I should have just come right out and told him about the ball thingy then and there, only I couldn't go through with it. All I

could think about was how incredibly smart and gifted Michael is, and what a pathetic, talentless freak I am, and how

easy it would be for him to go out and find someone worthier of his attentions.

So instead, I wrote:

FtLouie: I've been trying to think of some names for your band.

LinuxRulz: What does that have to do with whether or not there's a later showing of Star Wars Friday night?

FtLouie: Well, nothing, I guess. Except what do you think of Michael and the Wookies?

LinuxRulz:! think maybe you've been playing with Fat Louie's catnip mouse again.

FtLouie: Ha ha. OK, how about The Ewoks?

LinuxRulz:The EWOKS? Where did your grandma take you today when she hauled you out of second period? Electric shock therapy?