My blood approves

He stared at me for a minute, and then unexpectedly, he forcefully kissed me. His mouth pressed so tightly it almost hurt and his hand knotted painfully in my hair. Just the same, my body exploded with pleasure. I loved the insistent way he held me to him. Then, just as abruptly as he started kissing me, he stopped and pushed me back. Peter moaned and jumped away from me. Then he turned and left the room Every part of me wanted to follow after him, but I just laid back on the hard wood floor and stared up at the ceiling. My body completely ached for him, and even as my head was reeling with the ecstasy of his kiss, I realized that I didn’t want to feel this way about him. Peter was just going to keep hurting me and pushing me away until there was nothing left. Something in me had been chosen for him, but I was starting to wonder if it had been a mistake.

Mae came in a few minutes later to tell me supper was ready, looking distressed but not surprised that I was alone. She had made some kind of pasta that I recognized as Milo’s recipe, but hers didn’t really do it justice. Considering she hadn’t tasted any of it, I really didn’t think it was that bad, though, and I ate it all with a smile on my face.

After I had finished, Mae cleaned up the kitchen, and I helped her as much as she would let me. Every now and again, I’d hear Peter upstairs, and I’d feel a sharp pain in my side. The fact that he was so close but refused to be with me was completely devastating. I hid it as best as I could, but I’m sure Mae easily saw through my façade.

In the living room, Mae put on the Beatles, claiming that they could heal any mood, and sat on the couch. I sat on the floor in front of her and allowed her to play with my hair. Theoretically, I think it was meant to comfort me, but like the meal she had just made, it was done more as a way for her to get her mothering out. All the while, there was a constant stream of soothing words coming from her mouth, telling me how everything would work out.

When Ezra appeared in the living room sometime later, I felt an unrelenting sense of relief. He kissed Mae warmly, and I found my chance to escape. I slipped out from her and made my way over to Jack. He had crouched down on the floor to rub Matilda’s belly, and I stood in front of him, wrapping my arms around me.

“Did you have a nice drive?” I asked Jack.

He looked up at me, then glanced over at Mae and Ezra, who were busy in their world, murmuring things to one another. At that moment, I hated them for being so easily in love. There was so much drama going on around them, but they could just curl up on the couch together and pretend none of it was there.

“Yeah. Did you have a nice time with Peter?” He raised an eyebrow at me, trying to seem playful, but I saw the hurt behind it. More than that, I felt it, like a burning regret in the back of my throat.

“I’ve had better.” His smile came more naturally after that, and I felt some of the tension ease up between us. Giving Matilda one last pat, he stood up and looked down at me. “Do you want to give me a ride home?”

“I do…” Jack trailed off, and looked up at the ceiling, towards Peter’s room, and then he shook his head. “I don’t think I should. At least not right now.”

“Are you like banned from ever picking me up again?” I had never thought that I would really miss his speedy trips around the city, especially after he almost killed me last time, but it saddened me to think that it might never happen again.

“No,” Jack scoffed, as if anybody could ever ban him from anything. “I just think it’d be better if I didn’t for awhile. He needs to figure out what he’s doing, and so do you.”

“I didn’t think I really had a choice in the matter,” I admitted honestly. My understanding of things was that I was completely at the whim of Peter and Jack. I would be whatever they would let me be as long as it was in their lives.

“Everyone has free will.” He leaned in a little closer to me, looking at me earnestly. “Even you.”

“You really think so?”

“I have to.” His hopeful smile faltered, and he turned to Ezra. “Alice is ready to go home.”

“Sure.” Ezra jumped up from the couch, smiling at me. “Sometimes I forget that you don’t live here.”

Putting his hand on the small of my back, Ezra gently ushered me away from Jack. Looking back over my shoulder at Jack, I wished that things could just go back to the way they were. I wished I didn’t know about vampires or Peter or that my blood had ever been meant for anybody.

Chapter 12

It was on the bus on the way to school that I decided to broach the subject.

There would be a finite amount of time, and then a full day of school after that to keep his thoughts from settling too long. Milo had his textbook open on his lap, doing some last minute cramming for a test he would undoubtedly pass.

Since I was trying to make everything seem perfectly normal, I had in my ear buds and the iPod played the Tears For Fears, but it was quiet enough where I could talk.