My Secret Life

But fear of exposure was before me. “Look”, said I, “I have no watch, I have given her twenty shillings, here is every farthing I have about me”, and emptied my purse (there was but a shilling or two in it) before them, and put all the money I had loose in my pocket on to the chimney-piece. There was I think about seventeen shillings in all. “Look it is every farthing I have, — you may have that you damned thieves, — take it and let me go, — see my pockets are empty”, — and I turned them inside out.

“You've got more”, said she, “be a gent, give her three pounds, she never has less, — look at her, poor thing!” The girl stood whimpering, she and the woman stood with their backs to the door, I with my back to the two windows of the room which looked out on to the public court; the fire-place was between us, the foot of the bed towards it; the fire was burning brightly, the room was quite light. There they stood, the clean, fresh, wholesome-looking lass, and besides her a shortish, thick, hooked-nosed, tawneycolored, evil-looking woman, — the bawd, — she looked like a bilious Jewess.

The woman kept repeating this, for a minute or two. I refused to give any more, and grew collected. “Come now, what are you going to do?” said the woman, “you are wasting all her evening.” I took up half-a-crown off the mantle-shelf, and pushing the rest along it, “I must keep this”, said I, “but take all the rest, I have no more, — I have no watch, let me go.” The woman laughed sneeringly, and did not touch the money, turned round, opened the door, and called out “Bill, Bill, come up.” “Halloh !” said a loud male voice from below.

I turned round, and with a violent pull, tore aside the red window-curtains, and throwing up the window, and putting my head out beneath the white blind, I screamed out, “Police !—police !—murder !—murder! —police !—police !”

Beneath the very window stalked a policeman: heard me he must, the whole alley must have heard me, but the policeman took no notice, and stalking on turned round the corner out of sight. Then the fear came over me that he was bribed, I feared they might be coming behind me, and turned round; the woman was close to me, the girl at her back. “What are you doing?” yelled the woman, “what are you kicking up a row for? — shut the window, — go if you want, who is keeping you? — this is a respectable house, this is.”

A tumult of ideas and fears rushed through my mind, I feared Bill was close at hand, and pushing the woman back with one hand I seized the poker with the right one. “Keep back, or I will smash you”, said ! flourishing it, and again I shouted out, “Police I —police!” but not with my head out of the window this time.

The old woman backed and shut the door again, the young one came forwards speaking in a hurried tone, the old one dropped her voice to a whine; she did not want to keep me if I wanted to go. “Shut the window, — let her shut it,—give the poor girl two pounds then, and go.” Her house was a respectable house, the police knew it, why did I come to such a house if I had no money? The girl cried, I blustered, swore, and all three were speaking at the same time for two or three minutes.

“Let me go.” “Who stops you?” said the old woman, “give me the money.” “Open the door, and go out first then.” “I shan't”, said the woman with a snap and a look like a demon. I turned round, and with the poker made a smash at the window. The curtains had swung, the white blind was down, but I heard the glass shiver and crash, a shout of “Hulloh !” from some one in the court. I raised the poker again against the looking glass. “Get out, or I'll smash this, and you, and everything else in the room”, striking a chair violently, and breaking it. I now did not care what I did, but was determined to fight Bill, or any one else, and not be robbed.

The women were cowed, they cried out, Pray drop the poker, — they meant no harm, — the girl always had three pounds at least, if I would not, — why I would not, — they never have had such a row in the house before, — to have her twice, and give her ten shillings was shameful. “A lie you bloody bawd, I have only had her once, and she has had twenty shillings.” “Well, there's a good gentleman, go, and don't make a noise as you go downstairs, — look at her, poor thing, how you have frightened her, — she will let you have her again, if you like, — won't you Lucy?” — well come along then, but don't make a row, — leave the poker, —what do you want that for?” whined the woman.