My Secret Life

I kept on calling at J...s Street, always expecting to hear of Sarah. Hannah was glad to see me, for now I cast up her accounts weekly. I got acquainted with two or three ladies there who came at intervals to meet their friends. They were very nice women, none were ever to be seen in the streets, they had either their own acquaintances whom they met at J. . .s Street, or Hannah had introduced them to gentlemen there. They were not a bit like whores in dress, appearance or manner, and my acquaintance with them opened my mind to the fact, that there is a large amount of occult fucking going on with needy, middle-class women, whose mode of living and dressing, is a mystery to their friends, and who mingle with their own class of society without its being suspected. ; that their cunts are ever wetted by sperm which lawfully may not be put there.

I began to stand wine when I met them, and was introduced as a friend of Miss Mavis who had gone abroad. I was I found well known by name and a character for kindness, and I expect also for being a fool. All the women were shy at first, Hannah's sister (the servant) I overheard telling Hannah that the ladies did not like my being in the parlour. Hannah at times would ask me to leave, as a lady wanted to come into the parlour and wait there, and so on. But gradually Hannah would say, “Who is it? — oh ! she knows him”, — or “Oh ! she won't mind, — let her come in.” So by degrees I became intimate with these privately gay ladies, and several of them on more than one occasion joined their sweet bodies to mine in the game of under and over.

I had never had a woman in the house since Sarah had gone; firstly because I did not then pay more for the girls than I did for the room alone at J. . .s Street, and because I feared if Sarah came back Hannah would tell her, — as if it would have mattered to Sarah in any way excepting that another woman would get the money she might have had. Still I had that stupid idea about the matter, and although I had longed for one or two of the other ladies, and although they had looked languishingly at me. I never had then pro-posed a private interview upstairs.

One day Hannah said she had heard from Sarah who had asked after me. “They are (Sarah and the troupe) getting on well”, said Hannah, “if she says so I suppose they are, — but we shall see.” Suddenly, “Have you had another woman since she left?” The question startled me. “No.” “Oh ! I don't believe it, —if you haven't you're a nasty man.” Then I confessed, and told her what I had done. “Why don't you have Mrs. Fisher?”, said she. “I'm poor, and can't,-I'm not going to do what I did with Sarah.” “Lord she won't mind, — she'd like you I know, — but don't say I said so, — she's got a lovely leg, — she's a fine woman, — nearly as fine made as Sarah Mavis, and she is taller, — she never gets it done at home.” Hannah was unusually muddled with liquor that day, and let out; her sister was not there to check her with, “Now then Hannah you'd better shut up”, — and Hannah described Mrs. Fisher's hidden charms till my cock stood.

I would pass hours sketching from recollection Sarah Mavis' limbs and form, her bum and cunt being the most favorite subjects; then so randy that I did not know what to do with myself, I would rush out into the streets to prevent my frigging myself, — and erotic night-dreams were frequent.

“Why don't you see Mrs. X.. i”, said Hannah to me, “she likes you, and would come up any day if I wrote to her (I had supped two or three times with that lady), — I would not fret about Sarah, although she is a fine woman, — you let her see you have another woman, and she will come round if she comes back.” But I did not for a time.