On The Wings of Hope : Prose

Having noticed a crowd of drunk gapers in a tavern, organizes a discussion along with brainwashing, concerning just and pure life. Then preaches a sermon to the local barman, his daughter and even the tavern itself. After all local tavern brotherhood, not really impressed with such talks, approaches him in a crowd, he removes his sparkling sword Holy Avenger + 5 from sheath, and after that all commoners get stricken with temporarily blindness (basically because of the sight of jewels, inlaying the sword) and immediately become paladin’s best friends. Being proud of such transformation of dark human soul and bearing his head highly, he leaves a tavern to amaze new evils in any form possible.

5. Mage

After some local mortal idler dares to name him as “maggie puppy” and another local mortal fool doubts his great magic abilities, casts Demon Gate and summons a Balor King from the Abyss. After Balor devours all tavern of local mortal brotherhood and is banished back to the Underworld, the devastated tavern appears to be totally in no condition to dispute with local conjurer.

6. Barbarian

The time someone starts to argue in style “to be or not to be”, from misunderstanding of these foolish high substances he becomes enraged, and, having entered a berserker condition, emits such roar that all local inhabitants immediately become deaf. After that they have only to silently observe, how mad barbarian crashes into pieces all local tavern furniture, like in a mute cinema.

7. Ranger

Bashes into a tavern along with his Ancient Brown Bear and then, having set up on a table, orders drink (for himself) and meal (for his forest friend). While everyone amazingly whispers with each other and cautiously look at the bear, who has taken a sit near a table as well, devastates ordered glass of drink and inquires, where is it possible to hunt nearby.  Calms down the rest of local rascals, who have not fallen unconscious already, having specified, that he hunts exclusively in woods. Having learnt approximate coordinates and interrupted further specifications with words “I’ll find it myself !”, leaves a tavern. Notices, that the bear has grown too fat from the recent meal, and thus cannot pass through doors, - and then takes out arrow from a quiver and ends his tortures. Then summons a new bear (this time from the outer side of a tavern) – and finally goes on wood hunting.

8. Bard

Becomes the best story-teller in all local districts, so all tavern patrons of ten more nearby villages come to listen to him. Indefatigably composes new and new ballads and songs until he dies from old age. After that yet another bard comes on his funeral and starts to compose new ballads and songs about this singer, who have decided to rest in peace so untimely.

9. Monk

Silently enters a tavern, silently sits down on a floor and silently dives into Nirvana. After that all attempts of local gapers to help him come to his senses end up with no result visible, and so they finally decide to leave him alone. Having returned back into this world several days after, he finds out that some dancing is being performed around him, and then leaves this world once again. Having returned to it some months after, finds out that instead of local tavern only its burns ashes are around him and he sits almost on open air. Makes a mind note to himself, that this is a very quiet place and it would be necessary to return to it afterwards, and decides to return back to his monastery for now.

21.10.2010

How RPG heroes will install Windows

1. Warrior

Pushes an installation disk into the drive with the help of steel gauntlet. Moves nearby, while installation process is being performed, practicing swords swinging and shaking, and sometimes bashing his shield for greater frightening effect. When the installation is finally completed and during the first boot Windows hangs up, he smashes thrice-damned device into an incalculable number of small slices in his mighty rage.

2. Thief

Acquires a pirated copy of the latest beta-version of Windows for just 2 silver coins, silently opens a drive with a lock pick, puts a disk there and then even more silently closes the drive and launches installation process. When the message popups : “A new device has been detected : Windows disk”, - shouts “Hell, we’ve been spotted !” and runs away with such a speed that only his heels sparkle.

3. Priest