Senior Year Box Set

“Dammit, David. I’ve put too much time into our friendship to allow one stupid act to tear us apart. I won’t allow it. We’ve gone through too much together and survived,” she said and then looked crestfallen. “Have I destroyed our ‘someday’?”

“I honestly don’t know. Right now, I can’t see it, but stranger things have happened.”

“Do I need to move back and follow you around 24/7?”

That got me to smile.

“Please, no. I don’t want to explain that to Brook, and I’m sure Tim might have some concerns.”

“Okay, fine. I think we need to talk about what’s bothering you, other than me using your apartment as a love shack,” she said.

“Everything’s great,” I tried.

“Then explain to me why you played like crap today. Tim tells me you haven’t been yourself since you came back from Oklahoma. Personally, I don’t think you’re as torn up about hurting that man as much as you’re acting. From what I heard, he had it coming to him,” Tami said.

I’d almost forgotten about her hidden superpower: the ability to read my mind. I looked around, and no one was paying us any attention. Well, this was cheaper than therapy, so why not tell her?

“It’s everything. I’ve been feeling like I’m missing out on a normal life. I’ve painted myself into a corner and don’t see a way out of it. Uncle John warned me that doing the movie would change my life. I think I realized I might’ve made a mistake last spring when I came back from auditioning for Star Wars. From that point on, I’ve had to be aware of my public image.

“I feel like everyone’s looking to get a piece of me. When I was at Oklahoma last weekend, I had to sign autographs when we were taking a tour of a dorm. I let people, people who are close to me, talk me into investing in businesses with my money instead of just dumping it into an account. I have frickin’ employees that rely on me so they can pay their rent and get health insurance.

“Then there’s football. I lose focus, and my whole team does too. The entire town lives and dies on each game. My own mom pimps me out so she can get listings. God forbid I should go to a party and get drunk and go crazy. It would be on the Internet before I even had a chance to have a hangover.

“What am I doing this weekend? I’m setting myself up to advance to an even bigger stage. I don’t see this ever ending,” I said, running out of steam.

Tami gave me a measuring look.

“You do realize you can’t be everything to everyone you know, don’t you?”

I snorted at her in disgust, but she continued on, unfazed.

“I’m serious! In a sense, your mom’s using you. Your teammates are so used to you looking after them that they’ve forgotten how to look after themselves. The people you do business with want little pieces of your time and attention, and you give it without even thinking. It accumulates until you have no time or attention you can spend on yourself, or even give a thought to what you want. Most of them don’t even realize they’re doing it. But they are, and I doubt more than a couple of them even have a glimmer of what it’s doing to you.” She looked down, embarrassed. “Even I’ve done that to you.”

After a minute, she looked up at me again.

“Do you remember when we were in the eighth grade, and we had to read Hamlet in our advanced English class?”

When I nodded, she continued.

“There was one part I loved. That was when Polonius was talking to his son, Laertes, giving him advice. Most people only quote the first part, but it’s the last part that makes it so telling: ‘This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.’”

She gave me a small, hopeful smile, patted my knee, and made her way back up front. Brook looked like she was about to take Tami’s place, but Tami shook her head at her. Something unspoken passed between them, and Brook, after giving me a worried look, turned back around towards the front.

I sat back and considered our conversation. Damn, she was right! I needed to take charge of my own life—it was either that or let other people take charge of pieces of it. It was time for some simplification.

I pulled my phone out and looked at my life goals. Three lines stood out:

Think before saying ‘yes.’

Learn to say ‘no.’

Make a Difference.

Thinking about football and the team, was I making the kind of difference I wanted to make if they fell apart every time something bad happened to me? Or was I setting up an unhealthy dependency?

Thinking about it further, I could say the same about Mom, and about some of the other stuff people wanted me to do.

Then I remembered reading about Trent Richardson. He’d come out of college with a bunch of high expectations as a running back. But his effectiveness steadily declined until he was traded and eventually cut.