Spoonbenders

Ten minutes or an hour later, depending on whether you were on the insulting or insulted side of the table, Amber finally spoke. She smiled and issued the obligatory words of benediction: “Do you have any questions for us?”

Irene remembered being onstage, blinking in bright lights, looking out into the darkness, where strangers were waiting for her to fail. She was so thankful when Archibald had debunked them and Mom had called an end to the act. She’d become disgusted with being judged.

Amber said, “All right, then, if you don’t have anything—”

“There is one bit of work experience I forgot to mention,” Irene said. The group regarded her blankly. Mentally they’d moved on to the next meeting, the next candidate. “When I was a girl, my family had a psychic act. Teddy Telemachus and His Amazing Family. It sounds crazy, I know, but we were famous for a while. We toured the country. We were even on national TV once.”

Laurie said, “Psychic act?”

Bob the Boss said, “That sounds interesting, but I’m not sure that’s relevant to—”

“Let me explain,” Irene said. “We each had a talent. My brother could move things with his mind. My mother was clairvoyant. And I was the human lie detector.” She smiled, and Amber returned the smile automatically, though her sunshine eyes were panicked. “At some point in the show, my father would call up someone from the audience and tell them about my ability. All they had to do was try to tell me a lie and not get caught. It could be something simple, like holding the ace of clubs and telling me it was the ace of spades. Or they could try to tell me their age, or their weight. Then Dad would ask them to write down two truths and a lie—just like the party game.

“Sometimes it got really interesting. If the crowd was right, Dad would prompt them into writing down embarrassing things, things that were a little risqué. I wouldn’t even know what some of the sentences meant. I was only ten. But you know what?”

She had their attention now. More than twenty years since she’d been onstage, but the old skills were still there.

“I never made a mistake,” Irene said. “Not once.”

Bob and Jon exchanged looks. Laurie said, “Not once? What was the trick?”

“It’s just something I could do. Can do.”

Bob smiled uncertainly, not sure if she was kidding. “Well, too bad we don’t have a deck of cards.”

“I know,” Jon said. He reached into his pocket, came out with a quarter. He flipped it, covered it with his hands. Then he peeked at it.

Irene waited.

“It’s heads,” Jon said.

“No, it’s not.”

Jon laughed. “Caught me. One more time.”

Bob said, “Why don’t we move along. If you don’t have any questions, I suppose we can—”

“I do have a few questions,” Irene said.

Bob took a breath. “Sure, sure. Fire away.”

She pretended to glance at her notes. “Everything you’ve told me makes it sound like the perfect company,” Irene said. “Have any of you looked for another job outside the company, say, in the last six months?”

No one spoke, until Amber the HR rep said, “I don’t think that’s a question that—”

“Of course not,” Bob said.

“Not me,” Jon said.

Laurie shook her head. “I plan on being here a long time.”

“Huh,” Irene said, as if mulling this over. “Bob and Laurie are telling the truth, but Jon…”

Amber’s eyes went wide.

“Where did you apply?” Irene said.

Jon’s smile was a little stiff. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“See, that’s a lie, too,” Irene said. “Bob, did you know Jon was unhappy here?”

Bob blinked in confusion. The interview had taken a hard left turn, and he was struggling to keep up.

“Never mind, new question,” Irene said. “Bob, do you pay women and men equally for doing the same job?”

“Of course,” Bob said.

It was a lie, but she was only setting him up for the fastball. She said, “How about Jon and Laurie, here. They’re both assistant managers, but Laurie’s been here longer. Is she making more than Jon?”

Laurie leaned forward and put her elbows on the table. A woman who already knew the answer.

“I have to warn you,” Irene said to Bob. “I never miss.”

“Who are you?” Bob asked.

“I take that as a no.” To Laurie she said, “I think I’d get a new job. Or take Jon’s when he leaves. Just make sure to ask for his salary.”

She picked up the beautiful portfolio and stood. She felt dizzy, but didn’t fall. Wouldn’t allow herself to fall.

“I really enjoyed meeting you,” she said. None of them were human lie detectors, but she was confident they’d be able to evaluate her statement. She walked off without waiting for applause.

—

Six hours later, Teddy met her at the curb at O’Hare. “I gotta tell you,” he said. “I’m glad you decided to come home early.”

Irene stared out through the windshield as they rode away from the airport. She didn’t want to speak. She’d exiled herself from Hotel Land, but wanted to carry that wordlessness with her.

“I need your help with something. Something that’ll help Graciella. You like Graciella, don’t you? You two really seemed to hit it off.”