Terrible Tsarinas

built on the Neva embankment between the Winter Palace and

the Admiralty, out of blocks of ice that were welded together by

dribbling water in between them. The house was 60 feet long,

over 20 feet wide, and 30 feet high, and was topped by a gallery

with colonnade and statues. A staircase with a balustrade led to a

vestibule, behind which the apartment reserved for the couple

was located. It held a room furnished with a great white bed,

whose curtains, pillows and mattress were carved of ice. To the

side was a bathroom, also cut from ice, as evidence of Her Maj-

esty’s concern for the intimate necessities on behalf of her

“protégés.” Further on was a dining room, of similarly polar as-

pect but richly furnished in formal china and tableware, ready to

welcome the guests for a superb and shivery and feast. In front of

the house stood ice cannons, with a stack of cannonballs of the

same material, and an ice elephant that was said to be able to spit

a stream of frosty water 24 feet into the air, plus two ice pyramids

inside of which were exhibited, to warm up the visitors, some hu-

morous and obscene images. 5

Her Majesty expressly invited representatives of all the races

of the empire, dressed in their native costumes, to participate in

the great festival given in honor of the marriage of the buffoons.

On February 6, 1740, after the unfortunate Mikhail Golitsyn and

the counterfeit old Kalmyk woman had their ritual blessing at the

church, a carnival procession similar to those that had so amused

Peter the Great set forth to the clanging of bells. Ostiak, Kirghiz,

Finn, Samoyed, Yakut — they all filed along, proud in their tradi-

tional clothes, parading down the street. The crowds who had

come running from every part of the city to enjoy this free specta-

cle were flabbergasted. Some of the participants rode horses of a

species never before seen in St. Petersburg, others rode in rein-

< 83 >

Terrible Tsarinas

deer-drawn sledges or dog-sleds, on the back of a goat or, more

hilarious yet, on the back of a pig. The newlyweds themselves

were seated on an elephant. After passing in front of the imperial

palace, the procession stopped across from the “Duke of Cour-

land’s Riding School,” where a meal was served for all the partici-

pants. The poet Trediakovsky recited a comic poem and couples

from the different regions performed folk dances, accompanied by

their traditional instruments, for the benefit of the Empress, the

court and the “young couple.”

As night was finally falling, they all set out again, in good

cheer but still with their wits about them, toward the house of ice

which, in the lengthening shadows of twilight, sparkled with the

gleam of a thousand torches. Her Majesty Herself took care to

escort the newlyweds to their cold bed and withdrew with a rib-

ald smile. Sentries were placed in front of all the exits, at once, to

prevent the turtledoves from leaving their icy love nest before day-

break.

That night, while lying with Bühren in her well-heated

room, Anna Ivanovna appreciated more than ever her soft bedcov-

ers and warm clothes. Did she even think of the ugly Kalmyk and

the docile Golitsyn, whom she had condemned capriciously to

this sinister comedy and who might well have been dying of cold

in their translucent prison? In any event, if any hint of remorse

flitted through her mind, it must have been driven out very

quickly by the thought that this was quite an innocent joke and

very much in line with the liberties that are allowed any sover-

eign, by divine right.

By some miracle, the noble buffoon and his hideous partner

were, according to a few contemporaries, pulled out of this matri-

monial ice cube with nothing worse than a runny nose and some

frostbite. According to some, they even managed to go abroad,

under the following reign, where the Kalmyk supposedly died af-

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The Extravagant Anna

ter having given birth to two sons. As for Golitsyn, by no means

discouraged by this chilling matrimonial test, he was said to have

married again and to have lived on to a very advanced age, without

any further misadventures. Diehard monarchists thus maintain

that even the worst atrocities committed in Russia in the name of

the autocracy of that era could only have been beneficial.

In spite of Anna Ivanovna’s obvious indifference to public

affairs, Bühren was sometimes constrained to acquaint her with

important issues. In order to better insulate her from the annoy-

ances that are inseparable from the exercise of power, he sug-

gested to her that they create a secret chancellery that would be

responsible for monitoring Her subjects. Fed by the public treas-

ury, an army of spies was let loose throughout Russia. Denounce-

ments popped up on all sides, like mushrooms after a sweet rain-

fall.

Informers wishing to express themselves verbally were let

into the imperial palace by a hidden door and were received, in the

offices of the secret chancellery, by Bühren in person. His innate

hatred for the old Russian aristocracy encouraged him to accept