The Dollmage

She did not deny.

There was a general moaning and protestation from the crowd. Those of you who had refused to believe the gossip spoke out in disbelief. In all your lives you had never seen a promise broken. In the stories, those who did so ran away into the mountains and joined the robber people rather than be stoned.

I held up my hand.

Not taking my eyes from the doll, I asked, “Did you make this, Annakey?”

She did not hesitate. “Yes,” she said.

“What is this doll, Annakey? What does it mean?”

Annakey opened her mouth to speak, and closed it. She looked around at her people. For the first time, Annakey knew what the doll meant, who the doll was.

She had made it a vessel for the injustice done her, the hurts and the bad things that had happened to her. Now Annakey knew that the doll kept coming back to her because she was still holding all the anger and hurts inside her. Deep down, she knew now, was anger that her father, and then her mother, had left her. Deep down, in places behind her heart, were hates for Renoa and for Areth, and for me. Powerful hates. And Annakey knew now that they would eat at her brain like a spider and at her stomach like a worm until she rid herself of them. She knew her anger and hate would eat at her heart, bleeding it to death. She knew that she would be powerless and blind and voiceless unless she could rid herself of her hate.

“I call it ‘Evil doll’,” Annakey said, so quietly I could scarcely hear her.

“Evil doll,” I said, echoing her words in barely a whisper. I knew it was true. As I looked at it, I saw it was me, me, me, and then, looking ashamed into the eyes of all of you, I saw that each one of you saw it as yourself.

Then Annakey spoke into the silence. “Look carefully, Dollmage. Look. The doll is... me.”

All of you murmured in agreement. “Yes,” you said, “yes.” You wanted it to be Annakey and not yourselves.”

“Annakey,” she said. “The doll’s name is ‘Annakey.’”

“So I must be Dollmage,” Renoa said. “Declare it now, before all.”

Annakey looked at Manal, and he looked back and smiled comfortingly. The crowd began to jabber again as Manal began to lead Annakey away.

“Wait, Annakey!” I called.

Annakey waited.

I took the Evil doll from her and held it up to all of you. “There is evil in all of us,” I said. “The way to overcoming the evil in us is to recognize it, to draw it out before our eyes and examine it in the light of day. With this doll, Annakey has done just that. This doll has power. This doll shows more power than any doll I have made in my lifetime. It... it will be a Sacred doll.”

As soon as I said this, as soon as I let go of my pride, God spoke to me and opened my eyes and let me see my art.

I looked slowly around at you villagers. You need not use your memory dolls to remember what was said so shortly ago. “Annakey’s mother, Vilsa, was my cousin. Likely there was magic in her blood.” I said it to myself, but all of you heard. Your every eye was upon me, waiting. “If I had been better, I should have named her my successor years before my husband died. Now, I will tell you about Annakey’s promise doll. For the first time I understand, and I am not afraid of it. The hole in her promise doll signifies the hole the world makes in her heart, through which she feels the weight of the world every day. She must bear the weight of it, as a Dollmage does. If her heart had not been strong, the world would have pulled through, ripping the flesh like an earring torn from the ear. She would have died from a broken heart. Just as her doll hangs crookedly, so will the world be bent slant-a-ways just a little, because of her heart. It will not allow the world to hang like a heavy stone. Her heart will rock it side to side, tip it up on its end.

“Furthermore, the reason her promise doll frowns is not because she is destined to be unhappy, and not because she is not the Dollmage. It is because her promise doll does not always get its way. She will have power over her own destiny, and her destiny is that she will be happy. She will be Dollmage.

“Annakey, in the eyes of all these witnesses, you I name my successor. Annakey, you are Dollmage.”

Chapter 12

Inscription on the Evil doll:

I have no name.

Renoa pulled her promise doll from around her neck and made a loud hissing sound. She held it high for all to see, she shoved it in my face. Her teeth were clamped, her lips pulled back. We all fell silent as she shook her promise doll in all our faces. Then she put it back on, slowly, ceremoniously, defying every glance with a glare. Finally, she said to me, “Vile old woman. All my life you have the robbed the power out of me. Only when I was away from you could I feel my strength as a Dollmage. Now I will be Dollmage. I will, for I will no longer let you feed on my power, not even long enough to name another Dollmage.”