The Enchanted Wanderer and Other Stories

Nobody hoped to out-stubborn Ryzhov, and yet it was very important, not so much for the stubborn Ryzhov, for whom it might have been nothing, from his biblical point of view, if the second person in the state drove him from his sight in his beshmet; but it was important for all the others, because the governor, of course, would become incensed, seeing such a spectacle as a mayor in a beshmet.

Worried about the expected visitor’s first impression, the Soligalich officials strove for only two things: (1) that the tollgate at which Alexander Afanasyevich was to meet the governor be repainted, and (2) that on that occasion Alexander Afanasyevich wear, not his striped beshmet, but a uniform suited to his rank. But how achieve it?

Opinions differed, but everyone was more inclined to pitch together for the painting of the tollgate and the dressing of the mayor. With regard to the tollgate that was, of course, convenient, but with regard to Ryzhov’s outfitting it was no good at all.

He said, “That is a gift, and I don’t accept gifts.” Then the suggestion offered by the father archpriest of mature judgment triumphed over all. He saw no need for any pitching in either for painting the tollgate or for the mayor’s uniform, and said that it should all lie upon the one who was guiltiest of all, and the guiltiest of all, in his opinion, was the tax farmer. It should all fall on him. He alone was obliged, at his own expense, not through any force, but out of zeal, to paint the tollgate, for which the archpriest promised to recall it in a brief oration at the greeting of the governor, and, besides that, to include the donor in a secretly uttered prayer before the altar. Besides that, the father archpriest decided that the tax farmer had to give the assessor, on top of the usual offering, a triple portion of rum, French vodka, and home brew, of which the assessor was a great fancier. And for that let the assessor report himself sick and drink this additional offering at home alone and not go outside, but lend his uniform, which was the same as a policeman’s, to Ryzhov, which the latter would probably find no reason to refuse, and then the sheep would be safe and the wolves sated.

This plan was the more fortunate in that the permanent assessor somewhat resembled Ryzhov in height and bulk, and besides, having recently married a merchant’s daughter, he had a two-piece uniform in perfect order. Consequently, it only remained to prevail upon him, for the general good, to take to his bed at the time of the superior’s arrival, under the pretext of a grave illness, and surrender his ammunition on this occasion to Ryzhov, whom the father archpriest, relying on his spiritual authority, also undertook to persuade—and did persuade. Seeing neither a gift nor a bribe in it, the righteous Alexander Afanasyevich agreed, for the general happiness, to don the uniform. The assessor’s two-piece uniform was tried on and fitted for Ryzhov, and after some letting out of the double seams on all sides of the tunic and breeches, the matter was brought to a satisfactory conclusion. Alexander Afanasyevich, though he felt a highly inconvenient constraint in the uniform, could still move and all the same was now a tolerable representative of authority. It was decided to cover the small white gap between the tunic and the linen breeches with a piece of linen of the same color, which camouflaged the gap quite successfully. In short, Alexander Afanasyevich was now so well fitted out that the governor could turn him in all directions and admire him this way and that. But ill fate was pleased to mock all this and leave Alexander Afanasyevich suitably presentable from one side only, and to spoil the other completely, and that in such an ambiguous way that it could give grounds for the most arbitrary interpretation of his political way of thinking, mysterious as it was even without that.

X

The tollgate was painted in all the bright national colors, consisting of black and white stripes with red in between, and had had no time to get dusty before the news arrived that the governor had left the neighboring town and was making straight for Soligalich. At once signalmen were posted everywhere, and a restive postal troika stood champing at the bit by the fence of Ryzhov’s poor hut, hitched to a cart into which Alexander Afanasyevich was supposed to leap at the first signal and gallop to meet the “haughty bearing.”