The Enchanted Wanderer and Other Stories

“Your papers are all ready,” the count continued, “and the money as well. But you’re going only for our department alone … Understand? Only!”

“I understand,” I say.

“It’s as if you’re not concerned with any abuses in other departments. But it must only seem not

, and in fact you must find out everything. You’ll be accompanied by two capable officials. Go there, get down to business, and make as if you’re most attentively examining the bureaucratic order and forms of legal procedure, but personally look into everything … Summon local officials for clarifications and … look stern. And don’t hurry back. I’ll let you know when to return. What was your last decoration?”

I reply:

“Vladimir, second degree, with coronet.”

The count picked up his famous heavy bronze paperweight, “the slain bird,” in his enormous hand, took an office memorandum book from under it, and with all five fingers of his right hand grasped a fat giant of an ebony pencil, and, not concealing it from me in the least, wrote down my name and beside it “White Eagle.”⁷

Thus I even knew the decoration that would await me for the fulfillment of the mission entrusted to me, and with that I left Petersburg the next day in complete tranquillity.

With me were my servant Egor and two officials from the senate—both adroit men of the world.

IV

We had a safe trip, naturally; having reached the town, we rented an apartment and all settled into it: myself, my two officials, and my servant.

The lodgings were so comfortable that I could perfectly well turn down the more comfortable ones that the governor obligingly offered me.

I, naturally, did not want to owe him the least service, though he and I, of course, not only exchanged visits, but I even went once or twice to his Haydn quartets. However, I’m not a great lover and connoisseur of music, and in general, understandably, I tried not to get closer with him than was necessary—necessary for me to see, not his gallantry, but his dark deeds.

However, the governor was an intelligent and adroit man, and he did not importune me with his attentions. He seemed to leave me in peace to busy myself with incoming and outgoing records and minutes, but nonetheless I kept feeling that something was going on around me, that people were trying to feel out which side to catch me from, and then, probably, to ensnare me.

To the shame of the human race, I must mention that I do not consider even the fair sex totally uninvolved in it. Ladies began to present themselves to me now with complaints, now with petitions, but also, along with that, always with such schemes as could only make me marvel.

However, I remembered Viktor Nikitich’s advice—“look stern”—and the gracious visions vanished from my horizon, which was unsuitable for them. But my officials had successes in that sense. I knew it and did not interfere either with their philandering or with their giving themselves out as very big men, which everyone willingly took them for. It was even useful for me that they move in certain circles and have success with certain hearts. I required only that there be no scandal and that I be informed as to which points of their sociability provincial politics was most interested in.

They were conscientious lads and revealed everything to me. What everyone wanted to learn from them was my weaknesses and my particular likings.

The truth is they would never have gotten to that, because, thank God, I have no particular weaknesses, and my tastes, ever since I can remember, have always been quite simple. All my life I’ve eaten simple food, drunk one glass of simple sherry, and even in sweets, which I’ve been fond of since I was young, I prefer, to all refined jellies and pineapples, an Astrakhan watermelon, a Kursk pear, or, from childhood habit, a honey cake. I’ve never envied anyone’s wealth, or fame, or beauty, or happiness, and if I’ve ever envied anything, then, I may say, perhaps it was health alone. But even the word “envy” does not go towards defining my feeling. The sight of a man blooming with health never called up in me the vexatious thought: why him and not me? On the contrary, I look at him with sheer rejoicing that such a sea of happiness and blessings is accessible to him, and here I may occasionally dream in various ways about the happiness, impossible for me, of enjoying good health, which I have not been granted.