The Mist and the Lightning. Part 19

“No! People are fascinated by you, want to love you and believe you! And I believed! And you played those strings! You know how to do it! Are you saying people don’t see you as a person? Yes, maybe they pay little attention to the fact that you are a fool, but only not me, a true black, played with you like with a doll! You played with me! You charmed me! Only this beauty, this gift, the tool that you use so shamelessly, I gave you! It was me! I was not afraid to break the laws of racial purity, I was not afraid to ruin my career! Not afraid of anything!” Kors tried to end his monologue on the most dramatic note.

“Really?” To his disappointment, Nik reacted rather indifferently. “I remember something now… how you asked me for forgiveness for the fact that, blinded by your love for a white virgin, you didn’t think that your children would be half-bloods. You admitted you’d just get rid of the wrong child. “Little children often die” — these are your words, right?”

Kors froze.

“And now it turns out that it was your gift to me? And for me you made such sacrifices! How can I thank you, daddy master? You gave me such beautiful rings in the lower lip! I love wearing them so much!”

“Nik…”

“Okay, okay, I really like them.”

Kors wilted ashamed, but still stubbornly said:

“After all, I confessed to you honestly, I was honest. And I loved honestly, too. Have you ever been honest with me?!”

“I was!”

“When?!”

“When I said I love you!”

“Nik, I loved you honestly too! And I was not afraid of anything! Of condemnation of friends, of loss of reputation, of nothing! Humiliation, punishment — I survived everything! I gave you everything! And what did I end up with?”

“Are all these victims just because of my appearance? Because of beauty, as you say? I’m not your Inness!”

“I know!”

“Vitor, wake up, I’m a half-blood, and my appearance deprives me of all the privileges that pure-blooded blacks have. Not only that, I’m lame! I’m a cripple! All in scars! Do you want to be as beautiful as me?! You will charm everyone! Want to try?”

Kors was confused:

“You have perfect facial features, these are the black and white races in the most beautiful combination, and try to argue that this is not so!”

“Yes? Only everyone is constantly staring at me, looking at me, everyone considers it their duty to say something about my appearance, witty, as it seems to them! Joke!” In Nik’s intonation appeared annoyance and frustration. Kors immediately caught on to this and perked up.

“The way you mutilated yourself is not my fault, you are just reaping the fruits of your stupidity! And when I ask you to give me the opportunity to help you with the treatment, you throw your boot at me! Well, now wear a mask so that they don’t stare at you, it’s your own fault!”

“Oh, I’m crying now! Yes please, I like my mask! I began to open my face only because Arel ordered, he ordered me to wear only half the mask. It’s not about beauty, understand! I fought in both Lower and Upper, and the audience didn’t know what I looked like, they never saw me with an open face. At Dim’s in the Upper Colosseum, I never took off my mask.”

“Yes, I understand,” agreed Kors, “you wanted to be perceived and appreciated as a warrior without being distracted by your pretty face. And in the Upper Coliseum, did Dim forbid you to take off your mask?”

“Dim didn’t forbid me anything, he didn’t tell me how I should look. It was you who forbade me to speak, to look like I want, to talk to whoever I want, to do what I want, to go where I want, just to move and see! You forbade me everything! But I loved you so much that I put up with it and was ready to be your doll! I listened to everything you were saying me! Only you yourself threw me away! Just like Arel, when he loved you, you threw me away too, you yourself threw him away! Remember how you shied away from me in disgust and called me a vile creature!”

“Stop it!”

“Well, you continue to forbid even now!”

“Sorry… I loved you for more than just your appearance. I didn’t throw you away, I was just very disappointed with your lies, your deceit, that's all…”

“Well, of course! I always blame you for everything! You have collected all the burning coals on my head! For you, I’m an ungrateful deceiver, I didn’t appreciate all your victims! I don’t respect my father! Just notice, I call you daddy master and I’m proud that I have such a father, and you always call me a jerk!”

“Just because you don't understand how madly I love you!”

“You threw me away! And despite this, I didn’t stop loving you!”

“And at that moment, Prince Arel, lying relaxed on the trestle bed, suddenly laughed loudly. They looked at him in surprise and questioning. He, noticing their glances, explained:

“You are quarreling so funnily. I love you! And I love you more! No, I love you more! No — I! Aha-ha!”

“It doesn’t concern you, Prince Arel,” Kors grumbled, embarrassed, “and you know, as they say, no one is a judge of two, so we sort things out as we want. Mind your own business!”