The Mist and the Lightning. Part 19

After resting for a while, they set off again. Nik didn’tcover his head with a hood, and Kors endlessly admired his hair. The back of Nik’s head was wrappedin bandages, but beyond that, his hair lay in a fluffy white mop on his back, and Kors kept his eyes on it.

It was until Nik finally said to him accusingly:

“Well, maybe that’s enough?”

“I myself don’t understand why I’m so crazy about it,” Kors justified himself, embarrassed, “your hair is my fetish. Hair is dead, how can there be so much warmth, so much life in it? Why do people go crazy for them? You didn’t do anything, you were just born and — hop!”

“Do you want to have the same?” Nik asked.

“No!”

“Then shut up. You think about me all the time, how much can you do it?”

“Yes. You are everywhere. I look into the glass and see not wine, but you. I take bread and bring to my mouth not a piece of bread, but I touch your lips. I hear music and hug you. I look at the sky, I see the whiteness of the clouds and involuntarily compare them with the whiteness of your hair. I look at the ground and see your footprints. I look at the fire and I want you. I look at the water and remember your smell. It seems to me that I will lift a stone and you will be there!”

“What a chatterbox you are,” Nik drawled wearily, but didn’t put on his hood, and Kors tried to save him at least for a while from his annoying attention and uncontrolled lust.

It seems to have worked and brought results. After a while, Nik, realizing that Kors was no longer “wanking to him”, turned to him himself.

They were driving very close, and Nik said:

“Vitor, I need to teach you so that you change, become different from what you are now. Try Please. You can do it…”

Blah blah…

Kors listened to his voice, completely unlike any other, quiet and hoarse, and imagined that he could talk like that himself if he caught, for example, a sore throat. Because their voices were very similar. But there was a difference, something else in Nik’s voice, something deep and alien, especially if he raised his voice and got angry. But now he was not angry, but just chatted nicely, or rather, explained to Kors about training and development.

“Are you listening to me at all?!” Nik suddenly asked with some indignation. “You said that I never listen to you, but you don’t listen to me the same way!”

“I’m listening, I’m listening. Adept, initiation,” said Kors.

“Did I say that? Such words?” Nik asked, puzzled.

“No, of course you said it more simply, but the meaning is the same.”

Nik paused.

“Okay, you have understood… I guess…”

But Kors didn’t understand. He didn’t understand what was now between them? How will their relationship develop further? He got confused. Nik loves him, Kors was convinced of this. But at the same time, Nik never revealed his face to him.

And, since Nik didn’t continue the conversation, Kors involuntarily again plunged into his fruitless reflections.

“Nik told me: “You will not see my human face again,” and for all these days he has not changed his word. He didn’t accept any help in healing from me and threatened that he would hit me if I asked him about the scar one more time. Inside the tent, he ordered me to kneel naked. So how does he feel about me? Like before? Or no more? Isn’t he pushing harder now just because we’re on the road? What will happen when the journey ends? Will the humiliation continue? Well, Zaf wouldn’t just warn me like that. And at the table, Zaf told me: “He just needs to work with you, complete a task with you, but he doesn’t want to, he loves you.” What is this task? Another order from the Supreme Demon? Why doesn’t Nik want to do it? Because he loves and pities me. Does this mean the training will be tough? At the moment, I managed to avoid heavy losses. Yes, I was slightly humiliated, but no longer blinded or beaten. Not only that, I was loved! I was loved!”

But when Kors began to think about what the prince had experienced during his training, he became afraid. He involuntarily remembered Adrian’s words: “The motto of the White Lord is FEAR NOTHING, and I was afraid. I got scared and began to fall down. He wanted the best, I myself didn’t listen to him, didn’t believe him and gave up. I didn't hear what they were saying. As a result, I fell lower and lower. ”

You can’t be afraid. You can’t give free rein to fear, and then everything can turn out in a positive way.

Not to be afraid…

“Nik?” Kors called, and he turned slowly to him. “Why did you deceive me? Why didn’t you tell me that your motto is ‘Fear nothing’?”

“What?! Why do you think so?”

“It doesn’t matter. You told me: ‘I don’t have a motto,’and I believed you and offered my own version. I said, ‘I think your motto is ‘Ask for nothing.’ And you agreed with me, led me astray. And then it turned out that you have a motto ‘Fear nothing’.”

“Don’t be afraid, don’t ask,” Nik said thoughtfully, “Vitor, it seems you really came up with a motto for me.”

“So how am I supposed to believe you now?” Kors said sadly.