The Secret Place

We were speeding up. Julia was walking faster, smashing twigs and rattling pebbles, not caring.

I said, ‘You think Selena found out you were hooking up with Chris. Is that it? She was so angry, or so jealous, or so gutted, she lost the head and killed him. That makes it your fault. So it’s up to you to protect her.’

Only a pace or two ahead of us, she was already smudging away into the dark, just the red slash of her jumper glowing. ‘Julia,’ Conway said, and stopped walking.

Julia stopped too, but the line of her back pulled like a leashed dog’s. Conway said, ‘Sit down.’

In the end Julia turned. A pretty little wrought-iron bench, overlooking tidy flowerbeds – closed up for the night, now, all the daytime colours and petal-flourishes turned in tight on themselves. Julia aimed for the end of the bench. Conway and I boxed her into the middle.

Conway said, ‘Listen to me. We don’t suspect Selena.’

Julia rolled her a look. ‘Uh-huh. I’m so reassured, I might need to fan myself.’

‘All our evidence says she hadn’t been in touch with Chris for weeks before he died.’

‘Right. Until you turn around and say, “Oops, actually, we’ve decided those texts were from her, not from you! Sorry!”’

‘Bit late for that,’ I said. ‘And we’ve had a lot of practice figuring out when people are lying. We both think Selena’s telling us the truth.’

‘Great. Glad to hear it.’

‘So if we believe her, why don’t you? She’s meant to be your mate; how come you think she’s a murderer?’

‘I don’t. I think she’s never done anything worse than talking during study period. OK?’

The defences shooting up in Julia’s voice, I’d heard those before. That was when it clicked: the interview in her room that afternoon, that note in her voice, something left snagged in my mind. I said, ‘You’re the one who texted me.’

Off Chris’s phone.

Her profile tightening. She didn’t look at me.

‘To tell me where Joanne kept the key to the connecting door. That was you.’

Nothing.

‘You said to us, this afternoon: When you found out about Joanne’s key, she turned it around on me. If anyone had told you about her and Chris, she’d have got back at them the same way. Meaning Joanne was getting back at you for telling us about the key.’

I got one corner of Julia’s eye. It said, Good catch. Now prove it.

Conway turned on the bench, pulled up one leg so she could face Julia straight on. ‘Listen. Selena’s in bad shape. You know that. You thought it was because she couldn’t handle being a killer, had to hide in cloud-cuckoo land. It’s not that. You want me to swear? I’ll swear on anything you want: it’s not.’

She said it clear and warm, the way she’d have said it to a friend, a best friend, to her closest sister. She was holding out a hand and beckoning Julia to cross that river. Go from the lifelong-familiar side where grown-ups were faceless mentallers trying to wreck everything, no point trying to understand them, over to this new strange place where we could talk face to face.

Julia looking at Conway. Things moving across her face said she knew the crossing was one-way. That you can never tell who’ll still be beside you, on the other side, and who’ll be left behind.

I kept quiet. This was theirs. I was outside.

Julia took a long breath. She said, ‘You’re sure. It wasn’t her.’

‘We don’t suspect her. You’ve got my word.’

‘Lenie’s not just naturally crazy, though. You don’t know her; I do. She wasn’t like this before Chris got killed.’

Conway nodded. ‘Yeah, I know. But what’s wrecking her head isn’t that she killed him. It’s that she knows something she can’t handle. She’s spacing out so she doesn’t have to deal with it.’

It was getting colder. Julia pulled her jumper tight at her neck. She said, ‘Like what?’

‘If we knew, we wouldn’t need to be having this conversation. I’ve got ideas, no proof. All I can tell you for sure is: you’re not gonna get Selena in hassle by telling me the truth. I swear. OK?’

Julia tugged her sleeves down, the pale smudges of her hands vanishing into the red. She said quietly, ‘OK. I texted you about the key.’

Conway said, ‘How’d you know where Joanne and them kept it?’

‘I’m the one who gave her the idea about the book.’

I said, ‘And the one who gave her the key.’

‘You make it sound like it was her birthday present. Actually, they saw us heading out one night, and Joanne said she’d tell McKenna what bad girls we’d been if we didn’t make her a copy of the key. So I did.’

‘And gave her advice on where to keep it?’ Conway raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re very helpful altogether.’

Julia matched the eyebrow. ‘When someone could get me expelled, yeah, I am. She wanted to know where we kept ours, which I wasn’t going to tell her because fuck the bitch-’

‘Which was where? While we’re at it.’