Weapons of choice

"We were just coming to get you, Commander. We have located these, we think some are written in English…"

He cast a wary eye over a tall stack of magazines written in what he assumed was the baboons' language. Most were editions of something called Detik. A lesser number were of another journal called Tempo. He ignored them in favor of the English-language publications.

That was a thin collection, but it was nonetheless astounding. The first item was a pornographic magazine! Hidaka examined the masthead. HUSTLER, it read. He wasn't sure what that meant. The smaller titles, perhaps representing the articles, were no clearer.

WE TESTFUCK THE LATEST IN V3D PUSSY.

INSIDE THE RISING JIHAD.

and

GET BIG AND BEASTLY WITH THE LATEST SYNTH-SIMIAN DNA.

Meaningless. Absolutely meaningless. And…

"Shit!"

Hidaka wasn't even aware he'd sworn in English, so great was his shock at the image that met him when he flipped open the magazine.

"So the rumors are true," he mused in Japanese, when he'd recovered from the surprise. "They are blond all over."

The men sniggered, and he might have spent a few minutes confirming the theory if the ensign hadn't gently handed him a small device.

"And there is this, Commander. It glows like a lantern."

A strangely lit screen displayed the cover of Tempo. Hidaka checked it against the pile of paper magazines. Yes, he was certain they were same thing. What an oddity. A magazine in an electric box!

It was apparently written in the same damnable tongue as everything else on this ship, but there in the left-hand margin of the screen was a small British flag and underneath it, the word

English

Progress at last! Hidaka thought.

He had almost grown used to the magic of these illuminated plates, because they were scattered everywhere aboard the ship. Nonetheless, it was a revelation to find one he could hold in his hand and carry around. But how did it work? What did it do? There were a number of buttons in the base of the thing, but he was disinclined to press them, especially after his experience on the bridge. So he carefully placed the instrument back on the scarred tabletop while he examined the other discoveries.

There was another magazine. Like Hustler, it was printed in rich colors on thick glossy paper. The title appeared to be People. A strange name for a periodical, he thought. An ethnographic journal perhaps.

Most of the pages were dominated by photographs of idiotically grinning barbarians. American or British, he supposed, for the small amount of text was certainly written in English. But there were an amazing number of Negroes and half-bloods, and people of races he'd never seen before. A mud race of polyglot people, he thought, pleased with himself at recalling such an obscure term, even though it had been at least five years since he had studied at Princeton University.

Hidaka attempted to glean some wider meaning from the photo captions, but they seemed as vacuous as the gaijin about whom they were written. The common themes seemed to be who was sleeping with whom, and who possessed the most riches. There were longer articles, but he threw the magazine aside in a fit of pique, because they were just as impenetrable. People would have to wait until he had more time.

He picked up the next item, a much thicker magazine, with the title PC Week. Opening this to a random page and flicking through, he let go an exclamation.

"Ah! Technical documents!"

The crewmen grunted happily in response. If they had discovered something vital, it would bring them great honor and distinction. As Hidaka flicked through the pages, he nodded his head vigorously, though these articles, written in English, were even more unreadable than in the journal of People. At least this time, however, he felt certain his inability to decipher the text was because it so obviously dealt with top-secret technologies.

There were many pictures of those odd floating glass plates, and boxes with wires and boards in them, and even of devices that resembled the gadget with the small British flag on its glass plate. He would dearly love to decipher one of these articles for Admiral Kakuta, but such a task might take weeks-and they had hours at best.

"Good work, Ensign Tomonagi," he said in a clipped, excited voice. "Good work to all of you."

The crewmen drew themselves up, basking in the praise.

"Ensign, detail half of your men to search the ship again. Tell them to look for more of these devices." He held up the portable tablet with the glowing plate. "Assign someone to drag those monkeys in here. I will run the operation from this room now."

"Hai!"