When Darkness Loves Us

“I think that’s a fine idea. Why don’t you pick up some more yarn and knit me another of those sweaters? The winter is coming, and I’ve worn holes in the elbows of my favorite.”

“What color would you like?”

“I don’t know. Do you think red would make me sexy?”

She laughed and got up. “You don’t need no help.” She shooed him out of the kitchen and went back to fixing dinner.

2

“Momma? Sit down here a minute, would you, please? I’ve got something on my mind that I think needs put to rest.” Maggie was in her mother’s kitchen for the first time in a year. The table was piled high with their purchases from town, including some new red wool for Michael’s sweater and a bolt of Pendleton blue plaid for the kids’ winter clothes. She knew Michael would laugh when he saw she’d bought a whole bolt of it, like he did when she bought a whole bolt of red and white checkered cloth from the Sears, Roebuck catalog. But it had made a tablecloth, kitchen draperies, several aprons, towels, and dresses for the girls. He had liked the effect, even though it was all the same. Economy, she had told him, and he’d given her a kiss.

Cora sat across the table from her, a pot of steeping tea between them. She moved the packages aside and looked at her daughter.

“Yes, I believe it’s time whatever is between us was laid to rest, Maggie.” She poured the tea and waited.

“Momma, I’ve prayed long and hard about this, and I think I’m at fault. I’m feeling guilty, and have been laying it on you and Papa. Ever since Michael and I . . .”

“Hush, child. There’s no reason to go over all that again.”

“I can’t hush, Momma. I’ve got to talk this out, and I’ve got to do it now, in order to cleanse myself and be rid of this feeling.”

Cora sipped her tea and listened. Maggie always was a strong-willed girl. She waited.

“I guess I always thought it was wrong when Michael and me started loving one another, so soon after Sally Ann died. And then we went against Papa’s wishes and yours and went ahead and lived together before she could be pronounced dead, and that bothered me a tremendous lot. That’s why we went off and got married without you and Papa there. I was pregnant with Justin, and I was angry that we had to sneak around with our love for so long out of respect for Sally Ann’s memory. When she just up and took off. Or whatever.

“But you have to know, Momma, it was all my doing. Michael loves you as well as he loved his own folks, and he was against getting married without your blessings. But, Momma . . .” The tears began to spill over her eyelids. “I was so tired of having to deal with Sally Ann. I had to deal with her all my life, because she was older, and slimmer, and prettier, and she married Michael, and I was always so jealous. And then Michael loved me when she took off, and she didn’t deserve him and I did, but still I had to live in her shadow for seven long years. It was hard, Momma, and it went against my grain, and I always felt you and Papa were disappointed in me for not respecting Sally Ann’s memory like you taught me to.” The tears were coming faster, and the sobs broke from her chest.

“I’m a good wife, Momma. And a good mother. Our kids are bright and nice and Michael and I love each other so much . . . and I love you too, Momma, and I want us to be friends.”

She looked up and saw silent tears on Cora’s face. Neither spoke for a long time. Maggie felt the knot in the pit of her stomach ease up for the first time in all these years, and love for her mother and sorrow for the missed chances in their relationship coursed through her. The pent-up flood of tears broke and she put her forehead on her arms and cried. Cora came around and sat beside her.

“Maggie. I know you’re a good wife and mother. I’ve got eyes. So did your papa. And we could see the way you and Michael looked at each other. There are no more perfect grandchildren in the whole world than the ones you’ve given us. What happened with your sister is over and done with now. Only God knows her fate, and it was God that brought you and Michael together right here under our roof. We’ve always loved you, and always prayed that you’d come back to us. God bless you, child. You’ve lived with a burden that wasn’t necessarily yours to bear. Come now. Drink your tea.”

Maggie looked up and smiled at her mother. And soon they were both laughing. Laughing with a joy of togetherness that they had never known.

3

Life sure is good, Michael thought to himself as he loaded the last of the calves on the back of the truck. He jumped in the cab, started the engine, and with a final wave to Maggie, set off to the city, where the calves would bring a nice price on the auction block. He always enjoyed this yearly three-day trip away from the farm. It gave him some time to think, to miss the family, to see some new sights, to get a taste of the other side of life. It always renewed his appreciation for what he had.