Women are not unicorns

She saw somewhere a man, wildly similar to mine, with another woman. Then she found out from her friend of a family friend (a friend of a family friend — that’s what I call acquaintances through the fifth generation, well, someone very close, but for some reason authoritative for use in dubious stories) that it turns out that this is a womanizer. In addition, he is allegedly married to a Karelian woman and cannot be from the south. Well, or he simply deceives even his wife, which is even worse, because then I am simply a victim of deception, and maybe fraud.

“Just what should you charge me?” — I thought then.

— Margarita, be careful. Such a handsome and smart man cannot be alone. Find out what he really needs from you.

— Okay, dear, thank you very much.

And I plunged into thought, what kind of manipulations was my man carrying out, what was it about me that I needed to pull off a whole scam?

I remain silent, I don’t call him all day, I don’t respond to messages. I'm angry and nervous. “What a bastard. Deceiver. Womanizer. Little bastard! Why the penny-pincher? Yes, because there is nothing to take from me. A couple of clothes, used furniture and my parents’ old TV.” I had nothing then. Besides, why did he need to give me food when he was leaving?

These questions brought me into conscious reality. I wasn’t anything special in terms of material values; I couldn’t even get a ransom for me if he stole me into his harem. The parents barely survived on their own in order to raise money for their daughter, who was now time to get married. I think they would even buy a pie and celebrate over a cup of tea that finally their second daughter was useful to someone. (Well, they just stopped hoping for the first one).

You laugh, but it's true. I have charm, charisma, intelligence, a little beauty, but I’m definitely not a Rockefeller, and then I was an ordinary poor student. If he wanted, as they say, to fuck him up and quit, then you know, I didn’t have any special skills in bed. There were a lot of predators in the city for men like Vladislav, and they were clearly more skilled than me.

So, realizing the absurdity of the situation, I brushed it aside and invited my beloved to visit. We spent the entire evening discussing the topic of girlfriends. At first they laughed, of course, then they seriously considered the influence of the female environment on the female, who found herself a worthy male.

— What if he cheats?

— Married.

— Maniac

— Gay.

— Lesbian. (well, okay, that doesn’t happen).

— Polygamist

— Special services officer, spy

— Criminal, hiding

And so on, as far as your imagination goes, no one can compete with the girls here.

Imagine, this is just one friend, and I have already fallen under the influence and almost lost my future husband.

What would have happened if they had started to advise me against a relationship with him.

You know, fortunately, this never happened again. But something else appeared.

I noticed that when I told my friends about my boyfriend, about the relationship, I did two things.

First: she praised him and admired him so much that she looked biased, and the conversation came to a dead end. The girls simply didn’t comment on anything. It turned out that I was deprived of interlocutors.

Second: I still told them some details that raised questions or strange thoughts in me. Then they entered into a lively conversation. But it turned out that I myself provoked them to dislike my man. As a result, I was all screwed up, and my relationship with him deteriorated again.

It turns out there was no way I could be friends with women anymore.

And then who should I tell everything to, with whom should I share intimate details, sores, constipation, excuse me, dreams, worries, what makes me angry and what makes me happy?

But it turns out that WITH HIM!

Yes, and at this moment it is precisely to check how mature the love between you and your boyfriend is. Is he ready to become your friend, and not just your lover? Is he ready to replace your friends and become, in some way, that same friend?

Yes, my man, he did. Not in everything, but for nine years I forgot about girls. We still keep in touch on social media, but we no longer see each other or communicate truly openly.

I have had women throughout my marriage with whom I shared frank things, but it was rather their job to listen to me and guide me in the right direction. Perhaps you know who I mean. “Counselor”, “mentor” and the like. But I couldn’t help them in the opposite direction, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. Anyway, thanks to them for such work, there were times when I needed them, and my husband could not help in any way.

There were those with whom I wanted to be friends, and my husband didn’t mind, he respected these women, and even recommended them himself, but nothing worked out.

Do you know why?

Every time you complain to your friend about your husband, she falls into a trap. If he supports him, he will lose you. Will support you, the marriage will upset you.