Black Chalk

I lift the binoculars to my eyes. The lenses find the top frame of my window and carefully I tilt the binoculars down. And there she is, blonde. Hair light and straight and cut in a short bob that lips in toward her neck. My eyes slide down. She wears a non-descript top, a white patternless garment with short sleeves. And she has on tan shorts that reach down to the crease at the back of her knees. The window frame cuts her off at the calves.

My hands shake, I find it hard to keep the image of her steady. I lower the binoculars and let them hang by the thong at my chest. Turn this way, I whisper, as if my visitor might hear me.

She does not obey.

She bends and when she straightens a pair of sandals are in her hand. She holds them by their thin straps. And then, barefoot, she begins to creep forward through my kitchen.

I have deliberately placed my laptop on the bedside table so I can see it from here. She takes the computer and moves on to the living room where she turns left and is lost to my eyes.

XXXI(ii) I presume from what comes next that my visitor reads the message I left her. She comes to the window fifteen minutes after she entered.

She stands for a moment in the doorway between my living room and bedroom. And then she moves forward like a model, as if along a thin painted line, her hips feline as she sways. She wears sunglasses of a style I have observed to be very much in vogue since my return to the world, panes as large as children’s palms, they make her nose seem small against her face. Black lenses and red lipstick. The lips are clenched – uncertain or sullen, I can’t decide which.

When she reaches the kitchen window she puts her left hand on her left hip and stands there, weight mostly to her right. She holds the pose and lifts her chin toward me.

And then she waves.

I wave back. My visitor reaches for the string that hangs at the side of my window. And she lowers the blind.

XXXII

XXXII(i) ‘If we’re supposed to act like they’re not here,’ said Jack, ‘then I feel I should say that of the three, I think this one is quite the least arseholey.’

They had sent Middle and he sat impassively against the wall.

‘I agree with Jack,’ said Dee. ‘And the best-looking as well.’

Chad shuffled the cards. ‘Have you noticed,’ he said, ‘they do everything in height order?’

‘Absolutely,’ said Dee. ‘Tallest, Middle and Shortest. That’s what I call them.’

‘When?’ said Jack. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve written a poem.’

‘Now, now, don’t go getting all jealous, Jackie-oh. You know that you’re the only living object adored in my odes. It’s just how I’ve been thinking of them.’

‘Tallest is clearly the leader,’ said Jolyon. ‘Shortest is the Goebbels. But I’m not sure which role this one plays.’

‘I think he looks lost and scared,’ said Emilia. ‘A poor little lamb trapped in the gorse.’

Middle folded his arms. His hair there was dense and dark as if plastered on, fished from the drains of several showers. ‘I know precisely what you’re trying to do,’ he said. ‘And I can assure you that your silly little mind games won’t work with me.’

‘The Einstein of the operation as well,’ said Mark.

Middle rubbed his face. ‘Can we begin now?’ he said sharply. ‘Because then you can get back to screwing each other up. None of you seem to have realised that’s where this thing is headed but I can assure you it is. And, off the record, when you discover I’m right, it just so happens it will give me absolutely no pleasure at all.’

Jack started to laugh and then, seeing Emilia giving him a hard look, said, ‘What? It’s funny because it’s true.’

‘Let’s just get started, shall we?’ said Emilia.

‘Just a second,’ said Chad, ‘Jolyon has an announcement to make, don’t you, Jolyon?’

‘That’s right,’ said Jolyon. ‘Listen up.’

XXXII(ii) Emilia spoke first, she was absolutely against the idea, and Mark quickly agreed with her.

‘Well, of course you’re against it, Mark,’ said Jolyon, ‘you lose more than anyone else, don’t you?’

‘Fuck you, Jolyon,’ said Mark. ‘It’s just a game of dumb luck.’

‘Look, Mark,’ said Jolyon, ‘no one can be good at everything. Maybe you just don’t have it when it comes to this particular game.’

‘Now really fuck you,’ said Mark. He glared at Jolyon and Dee spoke up to come between them.

‘I’m in favour,’ she said. ‘It’s been a lot of fun but we need some movement here.’

‘Dee’s right,’ said Chad. ‘Look, I’m only here for a year. We’ve got a term and a half remaining and we need to narrow the field at some point.’

‘That’s three votes to two then,’ said Jolyon, looking away from Mark. ‘Which means it’s all down to you, Jack. You say no, it’s a draw, status quo. You say yes, we change.’

Jack looked unusually serious. ‘Here’s my concern,’ he said. ‘What’s to stop you all from ganging up on me? I mean anyone,’ he added quickly. ‘You could all agree a list of consequences I’d rather gnaw my own foot off than perform. And maybe you all do a little deal to go easy on each other. At least when it’s random anyone could get any consequence.’