Blood-drenched Beard

I just came to say hi and tell you that Pablito’s at home. He managed to lose the fingernail of his index finger playing hide-and-seek, but he’s taking it in his stride as always. They took him to the clinic, and he’s got a huge bandage, but everything’s okay.

Oooh. My poor baby. I’ll give him a call now. Thanks for letting me know. Actually, it’s good that you stopped by. I need to talk to you. As of next week, you won’t need to pick him up. I’m quitting this job. I’m just going to work in the shop, and I can pick him up when I get back from Imbituba.

I see. Changes. Some kind of problem?

No, but I don’t need two jobs anymore. I make more money there. And I don’t have to work nights. Thanks for helping me out. You’re an asshole, but you’re an angel too.

That’s what folks used to say to my dad. But with him it was the opposite: You’re an angel, but you’re an asshole. And I recognize that sparkle in your eye.

I’m seeing someone.

Already?

She gives him the finger.

I knew it. You’re looking very smug. Someone from here?

From Florianópolis. He’s fifty, but he isn’t as square as you.

What does he do?

He’s a contractor. He’s working on that project to widen the highway. What’s the face for? Everyone makes that face when I tell them his age. Why?

Did I make a face? I don’t think I made a face.

Fine.

I don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t even know the guy. Maybe you’re the one who’s worrying too much about what other people think.

She doesn’t answer, but her gaze is reconfigured. Now it is a look of farewell in which he can tell that she isn’t saying good-bye to him, because they’ll still see each other around, but to another world identical to this one except that in it they are still together, in love, and have lasted the distance, a world imagined in detail and nurtured for a time, which she is just now letting go of. A great sadness overcomes him. He suddenly wants her again. It is as if her attachment to that other world has leaped out of her body and into his like an invading spirit. Maybe he is feeling exactly what she was feeling a minute earlier.

What’s wrong? asks Dália.

He feels like crying. Truth be told, he’ll never know what she was feeling. He could have asked her. She’d have told him. He clears his throat and tells her that Beta was run over earlier that afternoon.

Oh, how awful. Is she going to be okay?

She’s in a bad way. But she’ll pull through.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I’m fine.

The other waiters start bringing the tables outside, and Dália has to get to work.

• • •

The waves hit Baú Rock with a thud, followed by an effervescent hiss. He mashes up a tin of tuna with mayonnaise, slices a tomato, and makes sandwiches. He can smell the dog in the apartment and sees her short bluish hairs on the ground and her empty dish abandoned on the damp cement under the clothesline.

Suddenly there is nothing to do or to think about, and in this hiatus he glimpses how and where he is going to die. The vision doesn’t come to him in detail. It is less a scene and more a combination of indistinct circumstances that fit into a clear pattern. It isn’t the first time he has fantasized about his own death. He is always doing it and is pretty sure everyone else does too. But this time it is different. He tears a page out of the old diary that he uses as a notebook, fishes a pen out from between the fruit dish and a pile of magazines, jots down a few lines, dates it, and signs underneath. His heart is beating fast. He opens a can of beer and calls Bonobo.

Want to come over for a beer?

Sure, sounds good. I’ve got a few things to sort out here at the bed-and-breakfast first. I’ll be about an hour. I actually need to talk to you about something. I need a favor, and you might be able to help me.

The night suddenly turns hotter and coaxes hungry mosquitoes out of wherever it is that they hole up in the cold weather. He sprays insecticide everywhere, overdoes it and has to go outside as he lets the apartment air out.

Bonobo shows up about two hours later with a twelve-pack of beer and a salami that he peels and slices slowly with a small pocketknife. He says he is going to pray for Beta to recover fully.

He hands Bonobo the folded page from the diary and waits as he reads what is written on it.

What the fuck is this?

I want you to sign it too and put it away somewhere. Somewhere safe. Don’t lose it.

What makes you think you’re going to drown here in Garopaba?

You don’t have to take it seriously. Just put it somewhere safe.

Sorry, dude, but I’m not signing this. Do you want to kill yourself in the ocean? Why did you sign this? What’s this paper going to prove? I don’t get it.

Relax. It’s just something I think is going to happen. Not anytime soon. It’s still a long way off.

If you really believe what’s written here, you’ll end up setting the thing in motion. Tear it up.

If it does happen like that, there’ll be no way to know if it happened because I said it would or if I said it would because it was going to happen.