Edmund Bertram's Diary

‘Then we make a good pair, for we balance each other’s faults. But do not go into the church if you do not like the idea.’

‘I have not said that I will not, only that I am not sure. There is a lot of good I could do—’

‘You sound like Aunt Norris!’

I shuddered at the notion, and said quickly, ‘Perhaps I may go into the law instead.’

‘A good alternative, for there is decidedly no chance of you doing good there. Papa would find it harder to help you, though,’ he said more seriously.

‘Then I will have to do what everyone else does, and manage on my own.’

‘In that case, you must have your fun now,’ he said, standing up. ‘Come, I insist. Kreegs is having a party at his rooms this afternoon — a sedate party,’ he said, seeing my look. ‘No drinking, no gambling, no women — unless you count his mother and sister. He is entertaining them to tea.’

‘Well...’

‘Miss Kreegs is very pretty,’ he said temptingly. ‘You should marry, Edmund, you are the type. Marry someone as sensible as yourself, then you and your wife can sit at home in the evenings in your slippers, with your noses in a couple of books!’

I punched him playful y and he responded in kind, and before long we were wrestling as we used to when we were at school.

‘Do you ever wish we were boys again?’ he asked.

‘Never,’ I said.

But it was not quite true. Sometimes I wish that life could be as simple as it was when I was at school, when I did not have to decide on anything more important than whether to have an extra slice of pie for dinner, and my problems were no deeper than the difficulties of learning Latin verbs.

‘No!’ he said, but he did not sound convinced. ‘Neither do I.’

Wednesday 17 November

I wrote to Mama and told her how I was going on, adding my love for my sisters and for Fanny. I wrote separately to my father and gave him news of my studies, whilst thanking him for my allowance. I wondered whether to say something about Tom, for he was drunk all day yesterday and could not crawl out of bed, but I decided that loyalty outweighed every other feeling. I often wonder, if Tom had been the younger and I the elder, would I have been more highspirited and would he have been more studious? Or is the difference between us in our characters, and would he have been wild and I serious whatever the case?

Friday 19 November

Owen has invited me to spend some time with his family near Peterborough when we break up for the Christmas holidays, and I have accepted.

DECEMBER

Monday 20 December

It is good to be home. I was met by kindness from Mama, enquiries about my health from Mrs. Norris, judicious interest from Papa, squeals from Maria and Julia, a shamefaced anxiety from Tom — which, however, evaporated when it became clear that I did not mean to mention any of his university exploits — and unabashed happiness from Fanny. The way her face lit up when she saw me lifted my spirits, and it was not long before we were outside.

‘Are you sure you are warm enough?’ I asked her, for the air was cold even though the sun was shining.

‘Yes,’ she said.

‘Let me look at you to be sure.’

I cast my eyes over her cloak, which she wore over her pelisse, and saw that her bonnet was pull ed down over her ears, and that her hands were gloved as well as being hidden in her muff.

‘Yes, I think you are.’

As we began our walk I asked her what she had been reading. She had read the Goldsmith I recommended, and we were soon so engrossed in the conversation that we lost track of the time, being taken by surprise when we discovered that dusk was falling. We returned to the house. Just before we went in I took the opportunity of quizzing her on the constellations, which were beginning to appear in the sky, and I found she had memorized all that we could see.

We went inside and I returned to my room to find Tom lol ing there, bored. He sat and talked whilst I dressed for dinner and then we went downstairs. After dinner I cal ed Fanny to me, for I saw my aunt’s eyes on her and suspected Fanny would soon be sent on an errand through the cold corridors if I did not keep her by my side. She repaid me by telling me all about the letter she had had from her family, and regaling me with stories about Susan and William.

Tuesday 21 December

Tom thanked me for not mentioning his conduct to Papa. I told him I would never betray him, and said how glad I was to see him looking better for being at home. He told me it was just high spirits that made him wild at Oxford, and I should join him in his pleasures.

‘There will be time enough to be sober when you are older,’ he told me.