Edmund Bertram's Diary

‘He cannot do this to me,’ said Tom angrily, coming into my room as I dressed for dinner. ‘He cannot take me out of England at such a time — and to the Indies, for God’s sake! What the devil am I to do in Antigua?’

‘Learn about his business affairs?’ I asked.

‘Like some money-grubbing shopkeeper, or a mil owner? I am not an estate manager, I am a baronet’s son!’

‘The baronet does it,’ I pointed out.

‘More fool him. Why does he not leave it to his men of business?’

‘Because his affairs have not prospered in their hands.’

‘Then he should get rid of them, and hire new men.’

‘There is no one he can trust so well as himself.’

‘Antigua!’ said Tom with a groan, flinging himself down across a chair. ‘The heat... the people.

.. it will be abominable. I cannot stand it. I will not go.’

‘Then tel him so.’

He shuffled uncomfortably.

‘I have already tried. He told me plainly that if I refuse, he will not honor my gambling debts.’

‘What, none of them?’

‘None of them,’ he said morosely. He broke out passionately. ‘It was not my fault. I had an unbeatable hand! The only thing I had to fear was an ace. And then Watkins turned his card over, and there it was. The ace of hearts. It was damnable luck. Quite damnable. So of course I had to keep playing, to win back what I had lost. Except I had a run of bad luck that led me to such ruin I had to apply to Papa.’ He shook his head. ‘It was not my fault. The cards were against me, that is all.’

‘You might like the Indies,’ I said.

‘Hah!’ He swung his leg over the arm of the chair. ‘A likely tale. And whilst I am sweltering in all that heat, with no one to talk to and nothing to do, you will be here enjoying yourself.’

‘I will be here looking after the estate,’ I said, shrugging on my coat.

‘Which no doubt you will relish.’

‘At the moment, I am terrified. What if we have a poor harvest, or there is a French invasion, or Maria and Julia elope, or are preyed upon by fortune hunters? I tel you plainly, Tom, I am dreading it.’

He was cheered by thoughts of my responsibilities, and by the idea that I would not be enjoying myself at home.

We went down to dinner, and had a sorry evening. Mama was out of spirits, too, and lamenting the fact that Papa will soon be far away, whilst Aunt Norris was elated by the thought of everything she would have to do. I glanced at Tom, and he laughed to think of Aunt Norris organizing us all with no one to check her officiousness, for I am sure my father is the only one who has the slightest influence over her.

‘You may rely on me, Sir Thomas,’ she said. ‘Young ladies of eighteen and nineteen years of age need a great deal of care, but it will not be lacking, I assure you. I will see to it that they do you credit whilst you are away.’

My father thanked her, and told Maria, Julia and Fanny to mind their mother and their aunt whilst he is away.

My sisters seemed relieved at the news of his departure.

‘Papa is always so grave,’ said Maria, as she walked over to the pianoforte with Julia. ‘I feel quite cast down whilst he is by.’

Julia agreed, saying there was something stately in his manner that put her high spirits to flight. Fanny said nothing, and yet even she seemed to feel his coming absence as a relief. As for me, I will be glad when he is safely home again.

SEPTEMBER

Wednesday 3 September

And so my father has gone, and I am in charge of his affairs. I rose early, conscious of how much there was to do, and after spending the morning with the steward, so that I could refresh my mind as to my duties for the coming month, this afternoon I began on them in earnest. Dinner-time came quickly and I hesitated before taking my father’s place. It seemed strange to sit in his chair and carve the meat, providing a focus at the head of the table. And afterwards, when the ladies withdrew, I was conscious of how alone I was, for without Tom and my father to talk to I sat in state by myself. I quickly repaired to the drawing-room where the others were gathered.

‘Well, Edmund, and so we are alone, and must get used to being alone, for who knows when we may see Sir Thomas again?’ said my aunt with a sigh.

‘He has gone for a year, not for ever,’ I said.

‘I only hope it may be so,’ she said, relishing the new situation and determined to make a drama of it. ‘But who knows what may happen to a man, once he leaves his own fireside? There are villains everywhere. At this very minute, Sir Thomas may be in the power of pirates.’

‘Sir Thomas will not have been caught by pirates, will he?’ asked Mama, stirring.

‘I hardly think so,’ I told her.

‘Who can say?’ countered Aunt Norris. ‘The sea is a very unsafe place. And if he has not been captured by pirates, then what other dangers might he not be facing? There are typhoons and tidal waves... I shall not be surprised if Sir Thomas is shipwrecked, only to return to us after fifteen years with long white hair and a beard.’

Mama was alarmed.

‘Do not say so! I have never been able to abide a beard,’ she said.