Fifty-Two Stories

He went up to the cat, gave him a flick on his arched back, and said, “Fyodor Timofeyich, what’s the meaning of this? You started a fight, eh? You old rapscallion! Lie down!”

And turning to the goose, he shouted, “Ivan Ivanych, to your place!”

The cat obediently lay down on his mat and closed his eyes. From the expression on his face and whiskers, he himself seemed displeased at losing his temper and getting into a fight. Kashtanka whined, offended, and the goose stretched his neck and began explaining something quickly, ardently, distinctly, but quite incomprehensibly.

“All right, all right,” said his master, yawning. “One must live in peace and friendship.” He patted Kashtanka and said, “Don’t be afraid, rusty…They’re nice folks, they won’t hurt you. What are we going to call you, anyway? You can’t go around without a name, brother.”

The stranger thought for a moment, and then he said, “I’ve got it! We’ll call you Auntie! Understand…? Auntie!”

And having repeated the word “Auntie” several times, he went out. Kashtanka sat down and kept her eyes open. The cat lay still on his mat, pretending to sleep. The goose, stretching his neck and stamping in place, went on talking about something quickly and ardently. Apparently he was a very smart goose. After each long harangue, he would step back with a look of amazement, as if he were delighted by his own speech. Kashtanka listened to him for a while, answered him with a “grrr,” and began sniffing around the corners of the room.

In one corner stood a small trough in which she saw some soaked peas and rye crusts. She tried the peas—no good, tried the crusts—and began to eat. The goose was not offended in the least that a strange dog was eating his feed, and, on the contrary, started talking still more ardently, and, to show his confidence, went to the trough himself and ate a few peas.

CHAPTER FOUR / FEATS OF WONDER

After a while, the stranger came back in carrying an odd thing that looked like a sawhorse. A bell hung from the crosspiece of this wooden, crudely made sawhorse, and there was also a pistol tied to it. Strings were tied to the clapper of the bell and the trigger of the pistol. The stranger set the sawhorse down in the middle of the room, spent a long time tying and untying something, then turned to the goose and said:

“Ivan Ivanych, you’re on!”

The goose came up to him and stood with a look of anticipation.

“All right,” said the stranger, “let’s begin from the very beginning. First, bow and make a curtsy. Quick, now!”

Ivan Ivanych stretched his neck, nodded his head all around, and scraped the floor with his foot.

“Good boy…Now, play dead!”

The goose turned on his back with his feet sticking up in the air. After a few more simple tricks of this sort, the stranger suddenly clutched his head with an expression of horror and cried, “Fire! Help! The house is burning!”

Ivan Ivanych ran to the sawhorse, took the string in his beak, and rang the bell.

The stranger was very pleased. He stroked the goose’s neck and said:

“Good boy, Ivan Ivanych! Now imagine that you’re a jeweler and sell gold and diamonds. Imagine now that you come to your shop one day and find robbers there. What would you do in that case?”

The goose took the other string in his beak and pulled. A deafening shot rang out. Kashtanka, who had liked the bell ringing very much, was so delighted by the pistol shot that she ran around the sawhorse barking.

“Auntie, sit!” the stranger shouted. “No barking!”

The shooting was not the end of Ivan Ivanych’s workout. For a whole hour more, the stranger drove the goose around him on a tether, cracking his whip while the goose had to leap over a hurdle, jump through a hoop, and rear up on his tail with his feet waving in the air. Kashtanka couldn’t keep her eyes off of Ivan Ivanych, howled with delight, and several times started to run after him, yelping. Having worn out the goose and himself as well, the stranger mopped his brow and shouted:

“Marya, tell Khavronya Ivanovna to come here!”

A moment later, grunting was heard. Kashtanka growled, put on a brave expression, and moved closer to the stranger, just in case. The door opened and an old woman looked in, muttered something, and let in a very ugly black pig. Paying no attention at all to Kashtanka’s growling, the pig raised her snout and grunted happily. She seemed very pleased to see her master, Ivan Ivanych, and the cat. She came up to the cat and gently nudged him under his stomach with her snout, then struck up a conversation with the goose. Her movements, her voice, and the quivering of her tail expressed nothing but good nature. Kashtanka realized at once that it was useless to growl and bark at such a character.

The master took away the sawhorse and shouted:

“Fyodor Timofeyich, you’re on!”

The cat got up, stretched lazily, and reluctantly, as if doing a favor, went over to the pig.

“We’ll start with the Egyptian Pyramid,” said the master.