Five Spice Street

‘‘What is this one beginning of Madam X all about? Before the beginning, there was a long period of nothingness. She kept her door closed and didn’t emerge, nor did she let anyone call on her. Every day, she stood woodenly alone in front of her window. Whoever talked with her, she was always smiling, turning a blind eye, making it difficult for the other person. During that time, there was also no evidence of anything that was going to happen. She seemed to have decided to live her life in silence. This really annoyed me. I redoubled my fasting and also tried to freeze myself, but none of this worked with them. They just indicated that my suffering was my own affair, an addiction. In a very short time, a huge emptiness was hanging over my head. I had lost my wits. Incredible demons were gnawing at my heart. Night after night, I risked running over to knock on the door of their small room. I wanted Madam X to show her true face: even if she raised the devil and went wild, it would still be better than this pretense, because this had to do with whether the three of us lived or died. The snare was right underfoot: I had to wake them up-tell them that sharp claws were hidden behind this external tranquility, and a lot of people had destroyed themselves just because of their indifferent attitude. I knocked on the door until my joints were swollen and I was dizzy, but they went on sleeping soundly. Not once did they answer.

‘‘The next day I asked Madam X: had she heard anything during the night? Glaring at me, she said that she never heard anything, especially at night. Now, not only didn’t she look at anything with her eyes, but she also didn’t listen to anything with her ears. No matter what commotion occurred outside, she didn’t hear a thing. Her world was a quiet one, an extensive plain, with little weeds growing shallowly in the mud, a scorching sun hanging high in the sky. She didn’t even hear the cries of insects. If someone tried to disturb her with noise, this was a mistake… Blah, blah, blah: all the nonsense gave me a headache. It appeared that she was dead set on getting rid of me-her protector. Just think how much I had suffered for her! Observing that I got thinner by the day for her sake, this frivolous woman not only just sat by and watched, she also told people I ‘was odd,’ and that she ‘wouldn’t give a dime for my protection,’ or, rather, she ‘abhorred’ my protection, for she certainly hadn’t encountered any danger, so why on earth would she need anyone to protect her? If I had a protection-mania, I should go home and protect my own wife.

‘‘Of course, I wasn’t surprised by what she said. Good medicine tastes bitter. Her reaction was absolutely normal. She had been harsh with me-fine, I didn’t mind. I’m not a petty person who won’t forgive a woman for impulsive behavior. Women were always impulsive and unself-conscious. Only with guidance would they stay away from evil ways. I wouldn’t let my friend down, either, by ceasing to act as Madam X’s protector. I can’t become a frigid, worldly-wise person leading a stodgy life. I can’t become utterly worthless like my wife. I saw that my poor friend needed my support more than ever: he was like a blind child walking into a dead end; he couldn’t easily find the exit by himself. All his hopes lay with me. I was the only one who could rescue him. When driven to the wall, I launched a heroic solo movement. It flickered with sparks of brilliance, logic, and wisdom, lighting a long, dark passageway. What was it? What kind of outcome had been created? Was it directly related to Madam X’s beginning? All of the secrets-you have to forgive me-will be my private treasure, stored forever in the bottom of my heart, because after enduring unspeakable suffering, I should have the prerogative of enjoying the pleasure alone. I don’t want to share it with others, even if they’re close friends. I’m going to greatly enjoy my monopoly over happiness. This happiness will go on until the day I leave this world. If you had my superhuman willpower and could suffer a long time, maybe one day you would also obtain it.

‘‘I can divulge a little something to you: the beginning of Madam X’s activity this time was guided and manipulated by me. No big deal-it just followed my will and evolved freely. My wife, as well as some other people, purposely exaggerated and added inflammatory details in order to disparage my ability. They have no idea about the great secrets. Their low-class insights prevented them from ever reaching any other conclusion. I’m the one who succeeded. I wasn’t scared away by the situation or overwhelmed by the numerous difficulties. I rose up like a Titan!’’

The Young Coal Worker’s Report