Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 14 Who Wasn't There

"What was the significance of that pretty performance?" "She's half-bombed," Qwilleran said with a sense of relief. He had feared he might find Melinda as appealing as before, but the impudent manner that formerly enchanted him now annoyed him; her hair was done in a trendy style he disliked; and she was too thin. His taste had changed. Lest his silence be misconstrued, he quickly said to Polly, "I don't know about you, but I've never traveled with a group, except for a bunch of hyper reporters on a press junket, so I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst on this excursion." "We'll enjoy it," she assured him and then said, "Do you remember the bronchitis I had when I spent the summer in England? On this trip I'm taking vitamin C as a preventive. The pharmacist told me about a high-potency capsule, and I respect his advice." "Did you discuss it with--your doctor?" Qwilleran was dubious of vitamins, broccoli, and anything else said to be salubrious.

"I mentioned it to Melinda, and she said it wouldn't do any harm but probably wouldn't do any good, either.

Nevertheless, I intend to try it... Have you made your packing list, Qwill?" "I never make a list. I just throw stuff into my suitcase." "You're singularly offhand, dear! I make a list and take only basic colors, double-duty garments, minimal accessories, and just enough toothpaste, face cream, and shampoo for fourteen days." "You're singularly efficient," he retorted dryly.

"No wonder the library operates so smoothly." "Have you done any of Irma's suggested reading?" "No, but Edd Smith sold me a book with a fold-out map of Scotland. As soon as I opened the map, both cats came running and pounced in the middle of it, tearing it along the old yellowed creases and making a horrible muddle, as Old Possum would say. I hope it was not a prediction that our trip is going to be a horrible muddle." "With Irma in charge, have no fear!" Polly assured him.

During the summer, following that accidental meeting with Melinda at Tipsy's Tavern, Qwilleran received several phone calls from her, making unacceptable suggestions that he found annoying. He solved that problem by screening calls through his answering machine, but the proximity of two weeks in a minibus could lead to murder, he reflected with testy humor. Eventually the final orders came from Sergeant Hasselrich, as Lyle Compton called her: "The evening before Day One we shall gather in a private parlor at our Glasgow hotel (see itinerary) for a Happy Hour from six to seven o'clock, after which you will be on your own for dinner. The tour will depart the next morning after a lavish Scottish breakfast (included in your tour package)." There followed a list of participants in alphabetical order: John Bushland Ms. Zella Chisholm Mr. and Mrs. Lyle Compton (lisa) Mrs. Polly Duncan Ms. Amanda Goodwinter Dr. Melinda Goodwinter Ms.

Irma Hasselrich Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Lanspeak (carol) Mr. and Mrs.

Whannell MacWhannell glen da James Qwilleran Archibald Riker Dwight Somers Mrs. Grace Chisholm Utley Qwilleran showed the list to Mildred Hanstable when she arrived at the barn for her briefing prior to cat-sitting with their Royal Highnesses.

She arrived in a cloud of fluttering gauze garments that did nothing to minimize her corpulence but gave her the majesty of a clipper ship in full sail. The Siamese greeted her with enthusiasm, knowing her as the source of their crunchy treats. Mildred perused the list of names and predicted, "Interesting group! Lyle is a certified sourpuss, but nice... Amanda has foot-in-mouth disease, which can be very funny at times... Irma is so fastidious, she'll probably inspect everyone's fingernails before breakfast... Let me know how you like the Chisholm sisters." "Do they sing?" "You don't know them, Qwill, because you don't belong to the country club.

Grace is a rich widow, and her unmarried sister lives with her on Goodwinter Boulevard. They collect teddy bears." "May I offer you a drink, Mildred?" "Make it coffee," she said.

"I've brought some cookies. But first show me the ropes." As he conducted her up the ramp to the three balconies, they were followed by two inquisitive cats with stiffly vertical tails and stiffly horizontal whiskers. He explained, "My bedroom and studio are on the first balcony. The door is closed to keep the cats out, because Koko licks postage stamps and gummed envelopes... The guest room is on the second balcony. I suggest you lock up your toothbrush. Yum Yum has a brush fetish; she'd steal my moustache if it weren't firmly attached... I regret that the only television is in the cats' loft on the top balcony." "Don't apologize. I'll just set up my quilting frame on the main floor and listen to radio," she said.

"How often are the cats fed?" "Morning and evening, plus a handful of your crunchy cereal at noon and bedtime. You'll find canned and frozen delicacies for them in the kitchen." "To tell the truth, I'd rather cook for them," Mildred said.