Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 14 Who Wasn't There

The windows were still opaque with grime; two more seats had fallen off the stools at the counter; and the coffee lived up to its reputation as the worst in the county. Nevertheless, he recalled one dark and anxious night when he was stranded on the way home from North Middle Hummock with his car upside down in the ditch; the cook at the diner had sent him hot coffee and stale doughnuts on-the house a gesture that was much appreciated at the time. A chalkboard announced the diner's Thursday specials: Tom Soup, Tuna Samich, and Macst.Cheez. Qwilleran, who had never encountered a plate of macaroni and cheese he didn't like, ordered the special with sanguine expectation but found the pasta cooked to the consistency of tapioca pudding. As for the sauce, library paste could have tasted no worse. When he returned to the barn, ill-fed and somewhat ill-tempered, Koko was hopping up and down like a puppet on strings, a performance that signified a message on the answering machine. The call was from John Bushland in Lockmaster: "Qwill, it's Bushy.

Making a delivery in Pickax this afternoon. Will drop by. Hope you're there. Got some good pix." The photographer's van pulled into the barnyard about two o'clock.

"How come you're making a delivery in the backwoods?" Qwilleran asked.

Lockmaster, with its horse breeders and golf courses, considered itself more civilized than its rural neighbor to the north, where potato farms and sheep ranches were the norm, and feed caps and pickup trucks were high fashion.

Bushy said, "Arch wanted to know if I had any shots of the Bonnie Scots gang with Scottish landmarks or local color. He said he'd run a spread, maybe a double-truck." "Could you help him?" "Oh, sure. I delivered more than a dozen prints, and I brought a set to show you, plus some scenics that are kind of different. Where can we spread them out?" There were three yellow boxes filled with 8x10 black-and-white glossies.

"I'll have the color later," he said.

"Here we are when we had lunch at Loch Lomond... and in this one we're waiting for the ferry at Mull. Here are some of the gals on the bridge at Eilean Donan Castle. The only complete group is around the bus at Oban; I even jumped into the picture myself." "Wait a minute," Qwilleran said as he went to the desk for a magnifying glass.

"Isn't that the bus driver in the background?" Bushy studied the print with the glass.

"You're right! He didn't duck his head for this one! I can blow it up and make a mug shot for the police." "This calls for a celebration! How about Scotch with a splash of Squunk water?" The photographer followed Qwilleran to the serving bar.

"I know how it happened, Qwill. I was using the tripod, and I set the timer so I could run and get in the picture, and because I wasn't behind the camera, Bruce didn't realize he was being photographed.

Hey! The cat's licking the prints!" "Koko! Get away!" Qwilleran clapped his hands threateningly, and Koko darted guiltily from the vicinity.

"It must be the emulsion he likes," Bushy said.

"Maybe I should put them back in the boxes... Guess what!" he said with more incredulity than enthusiasm.

"Arch wants me to photograph the teddy bears for a story you're writing!" "Be prepared for a wacky experience!" "I know.

Grace hired me to shoot her jewelry for insurance purposes before we left on the trip, and she hasn't paid me yet!" Qwilleran huffed into his moustache.

"What do you bet she's giving us the teddy bear story so she'll get free photos for the same purpose?" The photographer sipped his drink moodily for a while and then said, "Do you think Pickax could support a photo studio, Qwill?" "Why? Do you want to open a branch?" "I'm thinking of moving my whole operation up here," Bushy said morosely.

"That's the problem I told you about. Vicki and I are breaking up. My studio and darkroom are in the house, and I've got to get out. She's turning it into a restaurant." "Sorry to hear about that, Bushy. I thought everything was going great with you two.

" "Yeah... well... it looks like we won't have a family, so she's been hot for a career, which is okay with me, but she's gone crazy over her damned catering business! And now some guy at the riding club wants to back her financially if she'll open a restaurant. He comes on pretty strong, if you know what I mean. He's not just interested in food." Qwilleran shook his head sympathetically.

"I've been through that kind of mess myself, and let me offer some advice: Whatever you do, don't let them grind you down. Illegitimi non carborundum, as they say in fractured Latin." "Yeah, but not so easy to do," Bushy said grimly.

"Anyway, do you think a photo studio would go up here?" "With the right kind of promotion... definitely!