My Secret Life

“So my Fanny's small?” she asked several times, “tell me about other women's; are they much larger than mine? I know I have very little hair on mine.” What nick talk we had.

She had been always nursemaid, had frigged her-self as long as she could recollect, had nursed a girl eight years old who frigged herself incessantly, she had to slap her, and tie her hands to prevent it. “Now tell me truly, did you ever frig any boy?” “Never”, but she had made their cocks stiff. She had frigged a girl, and been frigged in return. So much for nurse-maids. She said she was 27.

The morning after I first had her, I told Robert to come to the garden directly the breakfast was cleared away. He came. “I heard a noise last night as I was passing, opened the door, and caught you; I have a good mind to tell your mistress, but the nurse-maid has begged, and prayed me not; but if I hear you have ever mentioned this, or see you near her again, I will have you kicked out the next five minutes, and she too. — Be off.” Away he went, without a word.

Chapter VII

Molly and Giles. • A country ale-house. • Pender's history. • How her virginity was taken. • Whiteteeth's ailment. • Molly in the loft. • Interrupted. Molly tailed.

I fucked Whiteteeth in the meadow one night again. We selected a field further off, which led to another bit of luck. She had left me, and I was stepping quietly, so that if met, no one might suppose we had been together; when I heard on the other side of a hedge, movements, and the voices of a male and female. They sat down within a few feet of where I was. I only heard imperfectly, and tell as well as I could gather what was said.

“I can't stay”, said she, “mother will be after me, -she don't know I am out of the yard.” A kiss, — many kisses, — a scuffle, — “be quiet”, — then all was a mumble. Then “I won't, — I won't, — never again, — you shant.” “Hush!” said he, “suppose some one is near.” “Do let's feel it, -let's do it”, said the male, “do it once, do it twice, it's all the same once done.” I kept as quiet as death.

“No” (here something I could not catch), — “no, — it warn't no pleasure to me, — I've been crying ever since, — you won't marry me after all I dare say, though I let you do it.” “So help me God I will, I'll marry you.” He swore quite loudly. “Hish !” “Mother won't let us, she hates you.” The female whimpered, then was mumbling, kissing, soothing, quietness, then all of a sudden, “Oh ! you're hurting me with your fingers.” “Hish !—hish !-be quiet!” Then I could hear nothing;—then, “No, I'll be getting in a mess like Bess.” Said the man half angrily, “She were a fool, she needn't a had a child; I knows a mother who can stop any gal having a child.” “Now don't, — oh ! it hurts, — no, — oh !—hoe !” The voices sank; kisses came a slight rustling, and all was quiet.

Then I heard broken words from both, but in a subdued voice “I'll never let you no more”, said the female, “you go that way.” Kiss, kiss, and the cut off, the female towards the gate I had entered the field by, he across the fields. She piddled, and waited till he had gone. Dodging her I moved after her, and saw her enter the farm-yard, but could not identify her. It must be Molly I was sure, no other female at that time was likely to enter there. Why Molly has been fucked !

Next day I asked nursemaid about Molly. “Oh ! that's why you go to the farm so often”, said she laughing jealously. “She's a good girl, her mother looks after her sharp.”

I had most difficulty in getting Pender. She would not go into the privy again. I fucked her once or so in the barn, but at railroad pace; both anxious, the fuck barely worth having. “I'll go to mother's next Sunday”, said she. If P go to the Red Lion on Saturday night, I'll be outside in the lane.” We met in the lane, but I could only get a feel, and arrange about Sunday. “I'll go to mother's at *** (the market-town), if the day be fine; P. won't come, he don't like mother, or he'll only come in the evening.”

On Sunday I rode to the town, passing Pender on the road in her Sunday finery, went to a lane where was an ale-house and bakery below, a baudy house above, and took a room (Fred told me of the place years before). Pender went to her mother's, and so soon as people were in church came to the appointed corner. I kept well ahead of her, entered the house, and after hesitating at the door in she came after me.

“How could you be such a fool as to walk about outside like that?” said I angrily, for I had feared she would not enter. “I was frightened”, she replied, “and oh ! I must get back to mother's by dinner-time at one, when the Publics and the bake-houses open.”