My Secret Life

She refused. “Robert has fucked you.” “No he ain't.” “You were frigging him.” “No I wasn't, — oh! I don't know what you mean, or what you are saying.” In her fear, and agitation she had been betrayed into answering my assertions. “Oh! dear, — oh! dear !—but you won't tell, will you sir? — it will be worse for you if you do”, said she with a sort of threat, and altering her tone.

“I won't tell if you let me, — don't be a fool, — I will have you. If there is a row I will say I found you with Robert, and you and he will go out neck and crop. If they think badly of me I don't care; I shall leave, and in a few months they will overlook it; but you will have no character: you have been seen in the cart-shed with Robert.” She started at that. “It's a story”, said she, “who saw me?” and then she began to cry.

I pulled up my night-shirt, threw myself besides her, and pulled up her night-gown. My hand in an instant was on her cunt, her thin thighs closed to prevent me, but she was silent. “I will have you”, said I laying on her, and forcing open her knees with mine. Her resistance grew less. “I can't help myself”, said she, “you are a blackguard, all the women say you are, — don't, —oh! don't hurt me.” “Nonsense, you have had a prick up it before.” “No man has ever touched me.” “Let me feel then.” Her thighs slightly opened, I put a finger on it. “You have a very little cunt.” “Don't be rough”, said she. At length my belly met hers, my hand was round her slender bum, my prick on the slit. I pushed, it did not enter as I expected, then I felt her cunt roughly, and made her cry out. “What a small cunt you have”, I said, and with a violent lunge pushed up it. She gave a suppressed gasp. “Oh! you hurt, oho.” I pushed home, fucked and finished triumphantly, for I had had her in spite of herself. We had spoken in whispers till she split, and then her cry was sharp, and loud.

I drew my prick out and myself upon my knees, to see how the cunt looked. She did not close her legs. By the light of the small candle I could see she has not much more hair on her cunt than a girl of sixteen years old. I laid by her side talking to her, then noticing my night-shirt said, “You are poorly.” “Nothing of the sort.” To put my fingers up to verify that, and look at them was the work of a moment. “Then I have made you bleed.” “You have hurt me very much, you brute.”

I did not like the girl nor her manner, didn't feel kind as I always do towards a woman I have had. “You little devil, to hear you talk one would think you had never had a man before.” “Think what you like, but I never have, — go away now.”

Her tight cunt, her freedom in permitting me to feel it, her sulky submission to all I wanted astonished me. I fucked her again, and found her cunt very tight still.

She was taciturn, and when I said, “I had better go.” “Go”, she replied, “I suppose we shall be kicked out, — what will Robert say?” We agreed that she was to tell Robert, that unless he held his tongue he would be kicked out without a character; that I was to tell him, that hearing conversation I had opened the door; that out of consideration for the poor girl would not tell my aunt; but that I should notice him, and if I found him misbehaving himself, would tell my aunt that he was not a proper person to be in the house. Then I went to my bed-room.

I slept but a short time, awakened with a cock-stand, and slipping on my dressing-gown sneaked without slippers to her room again; knocked gently, heard a sleepy voice say, “Yes ma'am”, and the door was opened. Spite of her opposition I got into bed with her, another fuck, she spent, and we both fell asleep. A violent push awakened me. A knock at the door. “My God it's Missus.” We were in the dark. Pulling my dressing-gown off the chair I slipped with it under the bed, forgetting the door thru which I might have escaped. “Let her in”, I whispered. Trembling she opened it. It was my aunt. “Here,” said she, “take Master Joey, he has kept me awake all night.” The nursemaid put him into the bed, my aunt standing by the side, her feet actually against my slippers. “What did you lock this door for?” said she, “have I not told you always to keep this door unlocked?” “I felt frightened”, said the girl. Away my aunt went, the girl sunk on the chair. There was now a light. In a whisper from under the bed I said, “Play with the child.” She got into bed, took the boy in her arms, cuddled and talked to him, whilst I slipped out and regained my room. It was not day-light.

I had had three women the same day, had washed after neither, their lubrications had mixed with mine on my prick-stem and balls. A day or two following I had a stock of crabs; were they Pender's, or White-teeth's, or nursemaid's, or did I breed them? I had all three women afterwards, and never got the crabs again whilst at my aunt's. At the market-town I got a remedy, and was soon cured, but had to leave off fucking for a little while.