My Secret Life

To economize I again went with cheap women, and seemed to get just as nice women for ten shillings as I did for twenty; but I had taken a liking for the house in J...s Street, which was an expensive one, and liked the best room, and took my cheap women to my dear room. One woman said, “Well you might give me a little more, and have a cheaper room, — the room gets nearly as much as you give me.” And I saw a woman there one night pocket the comb, and a piece of soap, — she stole them. I heard in pleasant conversation afterwards, that soap and combs were often stolen by women, — especially soap.

About a fortnight afterwards I saw my Venus again, and again was closetted with her. I could resist my desire for her no longer, for having never ceased thinking of her even when fucking other women. She was just as calm, but there was a little, quiet spite about her. When she had taken off her bonnet, and looked at me for a minute with her mouth open as usual, she said, “I suppose you have been having other women.” I can't tell why it was, but I lied, and said “no.” “What did you go upstairs with one for?” said she, “the night after you left me, — I was in the par-lour, and peeping through the door saw you and the woman who stumbled at the foot of the stairs” (which was the fact). “Well I did”, I replied, “and saw her cunt, — and that's more than I ever saw of yours.” “You've seen as much as you will.” Putting on my hat in rage, “Then I may as well go, — here is your money”, — and I turned towards the door. “Don't be a fool”, said she, “what do you want? — what do all you men want? — you are all beasts alike, you're never satisfied.” She was angry. “Don't be in a hurry, and let's see your precious cunt.” I recollect saying that very distinctly, being angry, — and that up to that time I had been chaste in my remarks. I was at that time of my life not at all lewd or strong in word with women when we first met, but was somewhat less so so soon as I warmed, and only when randy to the highest degree or by fits and starts, spiced my conversation highly with lewd expressions.

Chapter XIII

Sarah's complaisance. • Mistress Hannah. • About Sarah. • Sexual indifference. • After dinner. • Stark naked at last. • Her form. • The scar. • Hannah's friendship. • The baudy house parlour. • The Guardsman. • Sarah's greed. • A change in her manner. • A miscarriage. • Going abroad. • I am madly in love. • Sarah's history.

She laughed. “Well I will, — but don't make me undress, — I'm in a hurry.” “Of course, — you always are.” She laid on the sofa, and pulled up her clothes, —she was yielding. “No, — come here.” She came, and laid on the side of the bed. At length I saw those glorious thighs open wider, the dark-shaded crack with the swelling lips showed itself more freely than I had ever seen it before. I dropped on my knees, and prop-ping up one of her feet with my hand, lifted the leg so that the thighs distended, and a large bit of crimson nymphae began to show, the faint but delicious odour of her cunt stole up my nostrils, my lips closed on her gap, and kissed it lecherously, my brain whirled as my nose rubbed in the thicket of dark hair, and my lip touched her clitoris. I know nothing more excepting that I was up her as she laid there, and spending as quickly as ever, before I had in fact well plugged her. “Are you satisfied?” said she as she looked up from washing her cunt by the side of me. “No, it's so quick, you fetch me so quickly.” “That is no fault of mine.” She had said so often before. I recollect all these apparently trivial, these various feelings and circumstances, as well as if it were yesterday, for she had made her mark on me.