My Secret Life

I had often asked her before, and she never would; saying she never had been in bed but with one man, and never meant. I was enraptured, stripped to my skin, and was soon pressing every part of her body to mine. She gave herself up to me entirely, her tongue met mine as we spent. “Don't throw me out now dear.” “Very well.” Oh ! miracle, I thought, and there we lay, prick and cunt soaking together, till we had another fuck, then she dozed off in my arms, and I soon afterwards. We slept more than two hours, then my fingers sought her cunt directly; and awakened her. I told her the time, she sighed saying, “It's no matter, — it serves them right.” It was a day of miracles, Hannah sent up food, we ate it in bed, we fucked again and again. I was delighted with the spunk we left on the sheets; then we dined at the Cafe, and went back to the baudy house, — more fucking, no cunt-washing, all was free baudy, abandonment.

Hannah came up to us about the time Sarah usually left me, and told her it was time to go. Sarah said she did not care a damn, Hannah begged her to go, — she would go home with her. She agreed to go, kissed me, and said I was a kind fellow. I waited outside, and tried to dodge her home; but was unsuccessful; the two discovered me, stopped, and upbraided me, and came back to the baudy house. Then she made me promise not to follow her, and went out to piddle as she said. Hannah followed, I waited five minutes for them, and then called to the servant. She came in with a demure face, and said “Lor sir they have both gone out five minutes ago.”

For weeks after that Sarah was changed, and with the exception of not stripping entirely did as freely as I wished, she did everything I wanted, but sleep with me all night; she kept out later, but away at night she went; she embraced me, enjoyed her fucking, and in fact treated me like a husband. Then she said one day, “I'm some months gone in the family way.” “Who's the dad?” “You perhaps.” “No I'm not,-it's some man you are fond of, not me.” “I am fond of no man”, said she. Then she was ill, and away for three weeks, she had had a miscarriage. I was in des-pair, and sent her money all the time of her illness, but could learn nothing from Hannah, excepting that Sarah was a dear good woman, and too good for him. That was said before the sister, who cried out, “You shut up Hannah.” So I came to the conclusion there was some other man in the way.

Another day I pumped Hannah, but she was an old bird, and not easily caught. “She is fond of a man”, I said. “She is not a fond sort, — if she is fond of any man at all it's you, — but she has got her duty to do.” “What's that?” “Ask her, — I don't know her business. Now you get out, there are some ladies coming here directly, and Miss Mavis won't like your being here with them.” “I'm not her property.” “Pretty nearly you are, — at all events go, there is a good gentleman.” Whilst Sarah was away I did get acquainted with three or four ladies, and two of them I had. Sarah had then either gone abroad or I had had a desperate quarrel with her.

When Sarah met me again she was still miserably ill, and thanked me for my kindness warmly. We resumed our meetings, and again she was cautious, but no longer bounced me. She spent with me, enjoyed me, but entreated me. “Oh! let me wash out the muck, — now do pull it out, — I am so frightened of being ill again.” So I let her have her way. She refused to say anything about her illness, excepting that it was I who had caused it; but I did not believe her. She usually now gave way to pleasure with me; at the end of the month I gave her twenty pounds to make up a sum, then she got still more exacting about money. “Oh! I do stop a long time with you, — give me more money, —do, — I want to make up a sum, etc., etc., — and then of course came a lie. At length she said one bright sunny morning it was, I had poked her, and was laying on the sofa afterwards, she sitting on the easy-chair, her lovely breasts out, one beautiful leg over the other showing slightly the flesh of her thighs), “You won't see much more of me, — we are going abroad.”

I started as if I had been shot at. “You? — nonsense, —never.” “I am indeed, — I'm sick of this life, and will go anywhere, do anything to get out of it.