Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors

But Big Guy, he don’t look at nobody else but me. And he whip my ass. Then he start calming everybody down. I had to respect him. That was like a real Boss. Still, he beat me in front of everybody. One of these days I’m gonna make my move. He’s been good for me. But I want him off me. Someday I’m gonna be all over him.

Right now, though, Big Guy and Squint and me, we gotta stick together. Some of the young guys are getting restless. They want to stick it to us. I know what those guys are like. When they see us they suck up to us. They show respect. But inside, they think “Up yours.” They think, “My time’s gonna come.” Well, my time’s gonna come first.

——

One thing I wouldn’t let even the Big Guy mess with. That’s my kid. That’s where I draw the line. No one messes with him. When we’re out together, scrounging for something to eat, and I see my kid looking up at me, I know I’d sooner die than let anybody hurt him. He feels like that about me too. When the guys—even top guys—threaten me, my kid come over and try to protect me. They respect him for it. ’Course, just like every other kid around here, all he’s really got is his mother. If I don’t protect him, who will? When he was little he’d eat stuff that make him sick. I gotta stop him. I gotta show him what’s good to eat. He really need me then. He still does, more than he know. Sometimes the guys babysit and they seem to like him. But you can’t trust guys.

One of the young guys wanna fuck his mother. She don’t want to. One of these days he gonna hurt her bad. He can fuck his sister, but he should leave his mother alone. When the mood comes over the guys, though, they can’t help themselves. They go crazy. They act like animals

.

Sometimes guys go so crazy, they beat a kid to death for nothing, just for being there. A guy, he gets to be a pain in the ass, he gets chewed out by some big shot. So he go look for somebody to kick around, some nobody—some female, some kid. When guys get pissed off it’s no good for anybody—least of all females and kids. You work real hard to get them calm.

One time my sister’s kid, he musta got sick or something. All of a sudden he can’t move his legs no more. He can’t walk. He just drag himself along by his hands. He look real weird. First, folks look away. None of the guys come ’round to babysit no more. Later, they hassle him. Then they attack him. Then they kill him off, snap his neck. I was sad for my sister

.

My kid, all he lives for is to be in the gang, get respect, go out on patrol. He’s too little now, but his time’ll come. He’d do anything fora pat from the Big Guy. Me, too. I love it when the Big Guy touches my hand.