The Illuminatus! Trilogy

It was like each Chinese box had another Chinese box inside it; but the best of all belonged to Miss Mao Tsu-hsi. We were reclining in her trim but elegant pad on West Eighty-seventh Street, passing a joint back and forth and comparing multiple identities. We were naked on a bearskin rug, a dream come true, for she was my ideal woman. "I got into the A:.A:. first, Tobias," she was saying. "They recruited me at a Ba'Hai meeting- they have cruisers out, looking for likely prospects, in every mystical group from Subud to Scientology, you know. Then Naval Intelligence contacted me and I reported to them on what the A:.A:. was up to. I'm not flexible as you, though, and my loyalties tend to stay fairly constant- chiefly I was reporting to A:.A:. what I gleaned from Naval Intelligence. I did believe in the A:.A

:. basically. Until I met Him"

"That reminds me," I said, jealous of the worshipful way she said Him as if talking about a god. "If he's coming soon, shouldn't we get up and put some clothes on?"

"If you want to be bourgeois," she said.

While we were dressing, I remembered something. "By the way," I asked casually, "who are you spying on Mama Sutra for- the A:.A:. Naval Intelligence, or Him?"

"All three of them." She was starting to pull her panties on, and I said suddenly, "Wait." I knelt and kissed her pussy one last time, "For the nicest Chinese box I've opened in this whole case," I said gallantly. That was my Illuminati training; as an FBI man, I was ashamed of such a perverted act.

We finished dressing and she was pouring some wine (a light German vintage from, of all places, Bavaria) when the knock came.

Miss Mao sidled over to the door in her slinky Chinese dress and said softly, "Hail Eris."

"All hail Discordia," came a voice from outside. She slipped the lock and a little fat man walked in. My first reaction was astonishment; he didn't look anything like the superintellectual superhero she had described.

"Hagbard couldn't come," he said briefly. "I'll handle the sale, and initiate you" with a glance at me, "into the Legion of Dynamic Discord, if you're really ready, as Miss Mao says, to battle every government on earth and the Illuminati to boot."

"I'm ready," I said passionately. "I'm tired being a puppet on four sets of strings." (Actually, I know I just wanted a fifth set.)

"Good," he said. "Put her there," and he held out his hand. As we shook, he said, "Episkopos Jim Cartwright of the Mad Dog Cabal."

"Tobias Knight," I said, "of the FBI, the CIA, the A:.A

:. and the Illuminati."

He blinked briefly. "I've met double agents and triple agents, but you're the first quadruple agent in my experience. I guess this was inevitable, by the Law of Fives. Welcome to the fifth ring of the world's oldest continuous Five Ring Circus. Prepare for Death and Rebirth."

JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST IT'S ALIVE…

LEVIATHAN

The mutation from terrestrial to interstellar life must be made, because the womb planet itself is going to blow up within a few billion years… Planet Earth is a stepping stone on our time-trip through the galaxy. Life has to get its seed-self off the planet to survive…

There are also some among us who are bored with the amniotic level of mentation on this planet and look up in hopes of finding someone entertaining to talk to. -TIMOTHY LEARY, Ph.D., and L. WAYNE BRENNER, Terra II

THE NINTH TRIP, OR YESOD

(WALPURGISNACHT ROCK)

SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk. PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing… in water or mud or anything you can sink something in. RULES: Sinking is allowed in any manner. To date, ten-pound chunks of mud have been used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water or a hole to drop things into. But rivers- bays- gulfs- I dare say even oceans- can be used.

TURNS are taken thusly: whosoever gets the junk up and in the air first.

DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing SINK to help find more objects to sink, once one object is sunk. UPON SINKING: The sinker shall yell, "I sank it!" or something equally as thoughtful.

NAMING OF OBJECTS is sometimes desirable. The object is named by the finder of such object, and whoever sinks it can say (for instance), "I sank Columbus, Ohio."

–ALA HERA, E.L., N.S., Rayville Apple Panthers,

quoted in Principia Discordia, by Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C.