The James Bond Anthology

‘Accordingly,’ continued the Commissioner, ‘and working throughout under the closest liaison and direction of the Jamaican C.I.D., Messrs Bond, Nicholson and Leiter carried out their duties in exemplary fashion. The true intentions of the gangsters were unveiled, but alas, in the process, the identity of at least one of the Jamaica-controlled agents was discovered and a battle royal took place during the course of which the following enemy agents – here there will be a list – were killed, thanks to the superior gunfire of Commander Bond and Mr Leiter, and the following – another list – by the destruction by Mr Leiter’s ingenious use of explosive of the Orange River Bridge on the Lucea–Green Island Harbour railway, now converted for tourist use. Unfortunately, two of the Jamaica-controlled agents received severe wounds from which they are now recovering in the Memorial Hospital. It remains to mention the names of Constable Percival Sampson of the Negril Constabulary who was first on the scene of the final battlefield, and Dr Lister Smith of Savannah La Mar who rendered vital first aid to Commander Bond and Mr Leiter. On the instructions of the Prime Minister, Sir Alexander Bustamante, a judicial inquiry was held this day at the bedside of Commander Bond and in the presence of Mr Felix Leiter to confirm the above facts. These, in the presence of Justice Morris Cargill of the Supreme Court, are now and hereby confirmed.’

The Commissioner was obviously delighted with his rendering of all this rigmarole. He beamed at Bond. ‘It only remains’, he handed Bond a sealed packet, a similar one to Felix Leiter and one to Colonel Bannister, ‘to confer on Commander Bond of Great Britain, Mr Felix Leiter of the United States and, in absentia, Mr Nicholas Nicholson of the United States, the immediate award of the Jamaican Police Medal for gallant and meritorious services to the Independent State of Jamaica.’

There was muted applause. Mary Goodnight went on clapping after the others had stopped. She suddenly realized the fact, blushed furiously and stopped.

James Bond and Felix Leiter made stammered acknowledgments. Justice Cargill rose to his feet and, in solemn tones, asked Bond and Leiter in turn, ‘Is this a true and correct account of what occurred between the given dates?’

‘Yes, indeed,’ said Bond.

‘I’ll say it is, Your Honour,’ said Felix Leiter fervently.

The Judge bowed. All except Bond rose and bowed. Bond just bowed. ‘In that case, I declare this inquiry closed.’ The bewigged figure turned to Miss Goodnight. ‘If you will be kind enough to obtain all the signatures, duly witnessed, and send them round to my chambers? Thank you so much.’ He paused and smiled. ‘And the carbon, if you don’t mind?’

‘Certainly, my lord.’ Mary Goodnight glanced at Bond. ‘And now, if you will forgive me, I think the patient needs a rest. Matron was most insistent …’

Goodbyes were said. Bond called Leiter back. Mary Goodnight smelled private secrets. She admonished, ‘Now, only a minute!’ and went out and closed the door.

Leiter leant over the end of the bed. He wore his most quizzical smile. He said, ‘Well, I’ll be goddamned, James. That was the neatest wrap-up job I’ve ever lied my head off at. Everything clean as a whistle and we’ve even collected a piece of lettuce.’

Talking starts with the stomach muscles. Bond’s wounds were beginning to ache. He smiled, not showing the pain. Leiter was due to leave that afternoon. Bond didn’t want to say goodbye to him. Bond treasured his men friends and Felix Leiter was a great slice of his past. He said, ‘Scaramanga was quite a guy. He should have been taken alive. Maybe Tiffy really did put the hex on him with Mother Edna. They don’t come like that often.’